In 2011, I was rocking my workouts. I was on fire. I had just segued from twice weekly boot camp sessions to almost daily gym visits. I was really proud of myself for being the only woman in the history of the boot camp sessions to not participate in the monthly measurements and weigh-ins. For me, it was about feeling powerful, athletic. Killing my workouts was my goal. Altering my size was never my focus. I was on a mission to feel great and get moving. I still chuckle flashing back to having my hips measured for a modelling client who needed to fit a particular pair of pants on me. My hip measurement actually increased because my behind got so muscular – and curvy – from all the glute work I had done and was now sitting higher. Nice. I was amused.
I grew to love jogging. Always athletic growing up, I loved various workouts over the years, adored sprints and day long bike rides, yet had dreaded jogging. I do not exaggerate when I say I loathed it. But I kept hearing about this elusive runners’ high and decided to keep pushing through the dread to see if I could find it. And one day I did. And I was hooked. And jogging became thrilling and fun.
Although I excelled in running in my younger years, this didn’t seem to translate to jogging talent in 2011. It would be quite accurate to say I started off jogging a 14 minute mile versus a 4 minute one…. Didn’t matter to me. I would challenge myself every gym visit to shave a few seconds off my time. 5 seconds? Amazing. 30? Happy dance + fist pumps and most likely some high fiving of complete strangers. What started off as initially struggling and gasping to make it through 5 minutes became a decent speed over 3 kms with me plotting how to keep improving my form, pace, distance and time. I melodically got lost in my own world and enjoyed every minute of it.
The only person I was competing with was me and my personal bests.
In the winter, I started scoping out 5K events for the fall. I started planning how to segue my indoor jogging to outdoor terrain once the weather got a little warmer. I was still mastering the flat surface of a treadmill – uneven surfaces, uphill terrain and bumpy, slushy snow would have to wait until further along in my “training.” The girl who couldn’t stand jogging was now plotting her first long distance race! I even fried the treadmill one day while doing an all out sprint. I was secretly smirking when I saw the repair sign on it the next day. Although I felt badly for putting a much needed machine out of commission, it put an extra spring in my step and was confirmation my race was going to happen.
But…
I didn’t see the signs that my health was going off course in early 2011. In fact, I hadn’t seen the steady stream of warnings that were being presented over the previous years either. In the spring, I started to feel sluggish and breathless during my jogs and one day experienced vertigo. Let’s just say vertigo + jogging + a treadmill does not a good match make. I shook it off and went home. We do that – shake warnings off. We shouldn’t.
Then one day IT happened.
I didn’t realize on that day that my life was about to completely change.
I was about 5 minutes into my jog when my body shut down and the world started to move in slow motion. I literally just stopped jogging and flew off the end of the treadmill into the wall. All my limbs just ceased to know what to do. I made a fairly graceful recovery amidst the smirks around me. I walked right out of the gym heading home in a haze. I tried to reason with myself that maybe I didn’t eat enough protein that day…
The 5 minute walk home took over an hour. I collapsed on a curb unable to move. I willed someone to walk by. Nobody was on the street. Not one car passed. I sat there motionless in the pelting rain waiting to regain my energy. I could not move an inch. Walking the last 200 or so metres seemed like forever. I made it into my kitchen on my hands and knees and crawled up the stairs.
I’ll be fine.
Maybe I should work out in the afternoons instead?
I’ll go to the doctor soon.
It’s amazing what you reason with yourself in the moment. When you body is screaming out for help, has given you a million and one signs and you still aren’t cluing in. In that moment, I did not realize…
That all plans to do my 5K race just fell off that treadmill.
That parts of me just fell off that treadmill.
That my abilities up until that day were more amazing than I even knew.
What I thought would be a quick recovery turned into an over 4 year soul journey as my health took me to levels of pain and frustration and depths of understanding and appreciation I didn’t know possible. I bartered with my body and brain daily for snippets of movement and activity. Some days my bartering worked and many it didn’t. Through the roller coaster ride of having abilities, losing them, regaining them repeatedly over days, months and years, I would often wonder, “If I can’t even walk properly, will I ever be able to jog again?” More than anything these last few years, my health journey with Hashimoto’s, endometriosis and gluten ataxia has instilled in me a sense of body love and admiration that is off the charts – no matter what ability level my body is at. As long as my brain works, I can accomplish anything in this world.
There are many times over the last few years that I have thought of my 5K and thought it unattainable, thought I would never get my health back to even think about doing it. It was a carrot dangling in front of me I was never able to reach. And last month it hit me. I am going to do it. I may not do it the way I set out to do in 2011…
But I’m going to do it a new way.
Who says I have to jog? Who says I even have to do it all at once? Who says I have to keep waiting for a future day that may keep stretching into forever? I have decided to reinvent my race, make it what I can do, make it something attainable and not something always in the future. Make it fun. Pat myself on the back. Celebrate what I can do today – not a year or five down the road.
Do it now.
You know the term ‘back in the saddle?’ Well, back on the treadmill! And this time I refuse to fly into a wall. I am not sure when I will be able to walk 5K let alone jog it. But I am quite certain I can rock walking 1K…5 times! I have yet to walk 1K since 2011….but I have been working up to it…and I have faith. It’s been really cold outside but words can’t express how joy-filled my daily walking has been. I need to do this for me. I need to prove to myself that I can reinvent my starting line, reinvent my race.
I NEED TO RECLAIM MY 5K!
I plan to walk 1K per day – on a treadmill – over five days starting Monday March 9th through to Friday March 13th. I am honoured that body positive GoodLife Fitness has agreed to sponsor my race! With a mantra of Training for Every Body, this is my kind of gym. Also supporting me on my race is Katie K Active and Reitmans. Love both these companies for creating athletic clothing from straight sizing through to plus sizes because everybody and every body deserves to feel great while reaching their fitness goals.
I hope you will join me this week on my race. There have been so many times I thought I would need a wheelchair or walker for my gluten ataxia, planned my days out in the steps needed to get from point A to B. A couple months ago as I was starting physiotherapy, I didn’t think walking 1K would be remotely possible. But I keep inching closer to goals and I am honoured where my legs take me, honoured for where my brain is allowing my limbs to go. I need to do this for me. But I also want to do this for all the amazing individuals whom I have met or encountered who have had a health event stop them dead in their tracks too…have made them feel like a their goals were now out of reach. We all need to know we can recreate our race, whatever that race may be.
And one last note…when I first decided to do this, I had no idea this project would fall into Brain Awareness Week. What amazing timing and beautiful energy during my race…
Let’s do this!
Please join me on the race route on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter!
#ReclaimMy5K #rockyourbody
