Archive for month: August, 2015

Every time I think my major life lessons are over another one hits me upside the head and says,”See?  You still have some major awesome stuff to learn!” I sit in the new energy often through lingering vibes of pissed-offedness (because some of my biggest breakthroughs seem to come through while feeling like utter crap) mixed with the sheer and utter gratefulness of another major “aha moment.”  I usually smile and sit in silent wonder thinking how the latest breakthrough has made a major impact on my being – and by being I mean my soul as a being and my everyday way of being –  how I will now go forward on this planet with my new knowledge every day until the day I move on over to the other side. Then I start grinning a lot. The grinning part is so much more fun than the frustrated part…

There is a quote by Pema Chodron that I discovered a few years back which has guided me and cradled me in some confusing and frustrating and painful times.  Every time I get cocky thinking my health journey is over…

I’ve got this!

I’m a rock star!

I am on fire!

Buh-bye autoimmunity!

…and do a little too much and am zapped – either can’t walk properly, start slurring my words, my brain shuts down, can’t leave the house, can’t be social, or all of the above and then some, or have an experience that teaches me even more appreciation and gratitude, I reflect on this quote and ponder what my latest lesson has taught me – how it’s made me a better person, how the ripple effect of the lesson will reach into the rest of my life and how my changed perception will in turn trickle out to others.

Ready?

Good right? I know. Sit with it. I’ll wait.

These words of wisdom hit me yet again about a month ago.  I had the honour of meeting a new friend who was house sitting next door. Jayne is sweet and vibrant and owns a sassy new seafoam green Pedego electric bike perfectly matching her bubbly personality. What I didn’t realize at first is that she also has mobility issues.  Or that her bike had opened up a new world of freedom for her. She looked so sporty in her bike helmet. She looked so happy showing off Sedna – that’s the bike’s name FYI – formally known as Sedna Seafoam. ( A bike with this much mojo has to be named after a goddess)

She offered me a turn on her bike several times and I politely kept putting it off. Deep down I realized there was no way I could pedal a bike and make it around the block without losing all energy. Then one day the universe intervened – the bike had a flat and I offered to help her take it in my car to get fixed. As we stood with the newly repaired bike in the parking lot, she said with a twinkle in her eye,”You really should take it for a short spin to try it out.”  Sooo…I got on…and had no idea how much the electricity could carry me. I was in shock. And awe. And I burst out crying from happiness. In a few moments, I felt a multitude of possibilities open up.

I took the bike out for a spin the next day.  Just putting on the bike helmet was thrilling. This simple act made me feel active.  I used the throttle mostly so I didn’t have to pedal much and made sure not to stay out too long because I really had no idea how much energy I would need. I hit the path along the lake I used to walk along several days a week for years. I would always do a loop hitting a magical little pocket in the heart of the city surrounded by glimmering water. It felt like being in cottage country without the massive tax bill. It was always heaven – like finding treasure right in your backyard.

As I passed a particular point on the beach, a wave of revelation hit me. I realized I had not been able to walk past this spot since…2011.  Five years. Five years of feeling like a dog tethered to a very short leash.  My body and brain had allowed a limit of up to a thirty minute walk on a good day. And every time I tried to reach a further destination, or walk a little longer, I was always yanked back. But not this day.  This day I had wheels. And no leash.

I circled pathways ten times over that I haven’t been able to visit in years. I marvelled at the beauty of the boats in the marina. I looked at the city skyline framed by the sun and lake. I passed one guy fishing and by the sixth go-round, he was staring at me with amusement. By the tenth pass I think he thought I was spying on him – or about to steal his fish. I freaked out picnickers as I circled them numerous times and could see the “You again?!” looks on the faces of joggers.  And I looked really rather goofy with the biggest grin plastered to my face (and err….ate some bugs too). It was a giant can of awesome.

Emotions and a multitude of thoughts bombarded me along the way…

And I realized several things on a deep soul level I needed to know…

Freedom of movement makes you feel empowered and alive.

 

The importance of actions revealing what is in your soul – feeling athletic, looking athletic. Even if I wasn’t really pedalling, my soul was pedalling. 

 

 

Being perceived as the active person you know yourself to be.

 

 

The importance of feeling the wind kissing your face, sunshine beaming down on you and inhaling fresh air.

 

The need to feel like we belong and not being cut off from the world. Smiling at toddlers on their killer trikes navigating the bike path. Happily making eye contact with a lovely older gentleman who tips his hat as you bike past.  Watching a family bent on a picnic day try to ignite their little barbecue – ten times over.

 

More freedom.

 

Feeling like YOU. The active YOU that has got stuck for some time. The YOU you want to world to know.  The REAL YOU.

 

My mind exploded with ideas.  In less than half an hour, I realized I could travel the world if my body couldn’t carry me long or far enough. I could visit the streets of Amsterdam and see the beautiful canals again, explore back roads of small towns, go around the lake every single day. I could buy bikes for those in need in the future –  opening up pathways of freedom the same way I have got to experience. All the visions in my head were of smiling faces – freedom mixed with sheer joy. In thirty minutes, my entire world opened up to new possibilities – simply by riding a bike.

Yesterday I picked up Sedna and have the honour of hanging out with her for a whole two weeks. I could pinch myself. Ok, I did pinch myself!  And after making some more health changes over the last few weeks, I am so excited to have more energy.  I am so jazzed to see if I can pedal a bit more! But more than anything, I am so grateful for another major “aha” moment I wouldn’t have had in perfect health. To have hit an even deeper level of gratitude.  To have a lesson in joy and aim to bring that joy to others in whatever way I can going forward. To let my joy settle in my soul. I am so honoured to have been able to experience a multitude of lessons that were revealed to me in a beautiful bike named Sedna.

And now I am going for another spin…