The Body Love Series: Ode to a Sock

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What the hell does a sock have to do with body love you are probably wondering… For me, a lot. I am often asked how I have such positive body image. It really comes down to being so damn amazed at being able to do little actions every day. Little actions as magical as putting on my socks.

If you would have told me several years ago I would be celebrating the actions of my feet I would have thought that was crazy.  But I also would have never foreseen myself trying to do something as simple as putting on a sock, and face planting flat onto my bedroom floor nearly missing my dresser. Yes, trying to put on a sock was enough to cause me to completely fall over. I am still shocked I didn’t break my nose or a hand – or my dresser! Once I got wiser to the pitfalls of Gluten Ataxia, I would sit to try to put on my socks (and pants and tops and bras and shoes), an action that would take less than 30 seconds normally and it would sometimes take up to 10 minutes. Some days I would just go sockless out of frustration.

I am still mastering pointing my toes again. This week I can’t feel half of my left foot. This changes frequently. It used to be half of my leg and almost my entire foot so this is progress. If I walk more than 20 minutes, I usually can’t feel the front half of both feet. Then my walk becomes a really sexy stomping kinda thing. I haven’t worn high heels since 2014 and then I was cheating them on TV for 5 minutes and got help walking onto the set or put them on once seated.

I had a long luxurious bath recently and stared at my toes peeking out of the bubbles for quite some time. I guess you are at the ultimate level of body love when you can stare at your feet in wonder!  Being able to stand and walk and move is everything to me – my size isn’t. Being able to feel my feet enough to walk is more important to me than my weight. There is so much joy in being able to point a toe again! And being able to put on a simple pair of socks is the ultimate gift – in pride, independence and accomplishment. For me, body love literally starts from the tips of my toes up to the top of my head. And every morning, after my meditation, as I am getting dressed for the day, I am grateful for the simple action of putting on my socks.

The Body Love Series: Flipping Body Frustration to Thankfulness

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I have done more in the last month than I have done in the last year. I have BEEN ABLE to do more in the last month than I have BEEN ABLE to get done in the last year. I have to keep telling myself this during moments of body frustration. It is a huge distinction. And it’s important.

I have been creating and writing and just did two TV segments in one week.  I’m really proud of my physical and mental accomplishments – catch my BT Toronto segment if you haven’t already! I am still in shock that this much activity is going down after literally not being able to move much or talk much – or think much for that matter – for a couple years. But then I get overly excited and want to do more …and my body and brain can’t keep up with my excitement and determination. As my sister lovingly says to me sometimes,”Don’t get too cocky!” After all this activity, my brain was protesting all week, I was exhausted and out of it and my legs decided to revert back to their wobbly ways – only for a couple hours, but enough to get me utterly frustrated and upset and worried. I had to start listening to my own advice. So, in the middle of my wobbly walk, I had to flip my frustrated thinking and I sat myself down on a bench for a little meditative meeting with myself. It went something like this:

Legs, you are so not going there again. This is not cool. This is unfair.  You can’t do this to me. I thought this part was over. You need to work.

Legs, you have come such a long way. You have made so many improvements. You are getting stronger every day, getting more muscle tone again and these setbacks are temporary and hey, you kicked some serious ass this week! You carried me far and held me up to do a lot of fun stuff. Thank you. You rock.

Brain, when are you going to stop shutting down on me?  When is the fogginess and inability to think and create going to go away?  When are you going to be normal? When are you going to let me unleash and do all the things I need to do and want to do?

Brain, you have become so much stronger. You allowed me to create ideas for TV and remember all my talking points for the shows which means a lot to me.  You have allowed me to think and create and write and put out a new post weekly as well as regular social media posts. You’ve allowed me to create positive ideas to share with others. Thank you.

Body, why do you keep losing energy? Shutting down?  Losing steam?  I’m so frustrated and I thought I was doing everything right. When will this really be over?

Body, thank you for holding me up and letting me do fun things again. Thank you for letting me do what I want to do for my career again. Last year I was still thinking regularly about getting a motorized scooter. Thankfully I don’t need to consider this anymore – thank you for getting me to today. I know you are going to keep improving. I’ve seen the evidence. Be patient with me when I get like this. Every day there are new accomplishments to celebrate.

In my Pilates class tonight, I cranked out 5 wobbly-cheater-not-so-strong-half-push-ups and am still grinning. On February 1st, I was able to do my first imperfectly perfect one in 6 years. Tonight I reflected on all the improvements I have made. Waiting 6 years to be able to do one push-up. A little over a month to get up to 5 – that’s a really impressive improvement in a short amount of time. Thanked my body for getting me to today and was grateful for body improvements over days, weeks, months and years.

As my body and brain keeps getting stronger, I vow to myself that when I get frustrated again, and it’s going to happen because I am human, I will stop and thank myself for all the gifts in my life, all the gifts my body gives me, all the improvements that have happened. Years down the line, as my body gets older, I will remember this all too. It’s ok to be frustrated but the key is to recognize the frustration and decide to change it…

 

The Body Love Series: Word On the Street

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While rolling out The Body Love Series, it gets you thinking a lot about how we think and how we talk about body image.  The more positive wording that is put out there, the more open conversations that occur, the more noticeable it is to spot the words being used about health and our bodies that just don’t fit. How did harsh words become the norm in slogans and headlines? I read a great health article today but almost didn’t….because of the wording in the title. But here is the thing…this title was created to lure in readers so the wording must be working right?

The title had the words “obesity battle” in it.  It really didn’t fit with the writing vibe of the piece and had me wondering if the writer picked these words or if an editor slapped them on before publishing. The energies just didn’t match.  It really got me thinking about how society talks, what words make it to the headlines in order to try to grab busy people’s attention.

Battle. Conquer. Fight.

These three words are everywhere in conjunction with health and body talk. They are used a lot when speaking of illnesses and states of dis-ease. I have had all of them thrown my way in discussions over the last few years regarding my health experiences. But…I don’t want them. And I feel uncomfortable attaching them to me. It comes down to this: I do not want to battle, conquer or fight myself.  Or my body. Any part of my body.

Think about how you speak about your health and your body.  Is it ok to be upset and frustrated sometimes? Sure. I have existed in states of pissedoffedness while trying to get well. But I have also sat in the deepest levels of joy and gratitude. I think I am quite normal to have gone through a range of emotions.  We have relationships with our bodies, and there is an ebb and flow in every relationship. It is not always smooth sailing. But it also shouldn’t be anger all the time. It would not be normal to fight with someone every day. How would you feel to be in fight mode every day?  Exhausted.

Think about the words you choose to describe your body, your feelings, your health or life journey.  If they don’t resonate with you, find more positive ones that do. It’ s all about the body love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Body Love Series: Moments of Gratefulness

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“Little” moments of gratefulness or gratefuls as I like to call them, pop up in my day often.  It’s amazing how many tasks and everyday occurrences bring a smile to my face now. I often go about my day walking around with a mischievous, goofy grin on my face.  It tends to illicit intrigued looks from strangers. Their amusement further amuses me.

These “gratefuls” fill my cup when moments of frustration occur because my brain and body still aren’t properly connecting due to Gluten Ataxia and Hashimoto’s.  For instance, I just took a gentle stretch class for the first time today and it is low stress and very simple, yet I couldn’t do several of the most basic moves. There are many instances in which my brain tries to tell a body part to do something…and the messaging doesn’t make it to that part.  Today I stared at my hands and willed them to move a certain way and they wouldn’t. It is shocking to me when this occurs because as many times as it happens, it is surprising especially because the movement seems so simple. I used to get really frustrated but I take a step back now and think differently.  Today, I was thrilled to be able bodied enough to even be in this class and was grateful for all the messaging that was getting through. The “can do” basket is more full now than the “can’t do” one. That really works for me.

Here are some of my gratefuls this week for what my body allows me to do…

  1. Clearing snow off my car – I used to moan about this…then it became next to impossible to do…and I found myself longing for the days when I had the opportunity to do it. It would be the most exhausting chore and I couldn’t even lift my arms to get a brush onto the roof. Actually just walking to my car in the snow was exhausting! I would sleep all day, or several days to recover from this simple task. Last year when I had more energy, I cleared off my car…and then almost every car in the parking lot!  Although we haven’t had much snow this year, I have been clearing my car with a huge grin on my face yet again. Something everyone dreads and I can’t get enough of it!
  2. Being able to carry my groceries – It’s such a simple task most of us do every week but it’s taken a long time to get feeling and dexterity back into my hands and then the strength to carry items with them. I can pile more items in each bag because I can get them from my grocery cart to my car without almost passing out. Hell, I even carry groceries down the street again! BOOM!
  3. Geting lids off jars – I stopped buying certain foods because I didn’t have the strength to open them. (Nope,not even with that knife trick) Nothing like getting exhausted trying to make dinner. Gimme your jars – these hands are made of steel! (Insert happy jazz hands here)
  4. Walking down the street to do an errand – For a very long time I would have to stop to rest – sometimes 1-2 hours – on people’s lawns –  before being able to walk a few minutes home. I became the rotating neighbourhood lawn ornament! I thank every part of my body daily for allowing me to move, go to the store, mail a letter.  These tasks are all luxuries.
  5. Scooping up my nieces in huge hugs – They are growing like crazy but are still at the age where I can scoop them up into big bear hugs.  Or have them dance on my feet.  And I have the strength to do that again and it means everything.

So, if you are not happy with a particular body part, speak ill of it, curse it….think of all the actions it allows you to do.  List off 5 regular, everyday tasks it allows you to do.  And then I bet you can easily add many more. Doesn’t matter if it’s a little or a lot gushy, flabby, scarred, marked by time, bony, insert any other word here…. Thank your body and appreciate it.  See it. Love it. It’s really quite amazing and gives you gratefuls every day.