The Body Love Series: Flipping Body Frustration to Thankfulness

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I have done more in the last month than I have done in the last year. I have BEEN ABLE to do more in the last month than I have BEEN ABLE to get done in the last year. I have to keep telling myself this during moments of body frustration. It is a huge distinction. And it’s important.

I have been creating and writing and just did two TV segments in one week.  I’m really proud of my physical and mental accomplishments – catch my BT Toronto segment if you haven’t already! I am still in shock that this much activity is going down after literally not being able to move much or talk much – or think much for that matter – for a couple years. But then I get overly excited and want to do more …and my body and brain can’t keep up with my excitement and determination. As my sister lovingly says to me sometimes,”Don’t get too cocky!” After all this activity, my brain was protesting all week, I was exhausted and out of it and my legs decided to revert back to their wobbly ways – only for a couple hours, but enough to get me utterly frustrated and upset and worried. I had to start listening to my own advice. So, in the middle of my wobbly walk, I had to flip my frustrated thinking and I sat myself down on a bench for a little meditative meeting with myself. It went something like this:

Legs, you are so not going there again. This is not cool. This is unfair.  You can’t do this to me. I thought this part was over. You need to work.

Legs, you have come such a long way. You have made so many improvements. You are getting stronger every day, getting more muscle tone again and these setbacks are temporary and hey, you kicked some serious ass this week! You carried me far and held me up to do a lot of fun stuff. Thank you. You rock.

Brain, when are you going to stop shutting down on me?  When is the fogginess and inability to think and create going to go away?  When are you going to be normal? When are you going to let me unleash and do all the things I need to do and want to do?

Brain, you have become so much stronger. You allowed me to create ideas for TV and remember all my talking points for the shows which means a lot to me.  You have allowed me to think and create and write and put out a new post weekly as well as regular social media posts. You’ve allowed me to create positive ideas to share with others. Thank you.

Body, why do you keep losing energy? Shutting down?  Losing steam?  I’m so frustrated and I thought I was doing everything right. When will this really be over?

Body, thank you for holding me up and letting me do fun things again. Thank you for letting me do what I want to do for my career again. Last year I was still thinking regularly about getting a motorized scooter. Thankfully I don’t need to consider this anymore – thank you for getting me to today. I know you are going to keep improving. I’ve seen the evidence. Be patient with me when I get like this. Every day there are new accomplishments to celebrate.

In my Pilates class tonight, I cranked out 5 wobbly-cheater-not-so-strong-half-push-ups and am still grinning. On February 1st, I was able to do my first imperfectly perfect one in 6 years. Tonight I reflected on all the improvements I have made. Waiting 6 years to be able to do one push-up. A little over a month to get up to 5 – that’s a really impressive improvement in a short amount of time. Thanked my body for getting me to today and was grateful for body improvements over days, weeks, months and years.

As my body and brain keeps getting stronger, I vow to myself that when I get frustrated again, and it’s going to happen because I am human, I will stop and thank myself for all the gifts in my life, all the gifts my body gives me, all the improvements that have happened. Years down the line, as my body gets older, I will remember this all too. It’s ok to be frustrated but the key is to recognize the frustration and decide to change it…

 

The Body Love Series: Word On the Street

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While rolling out The Body Love Series, it gets you thinking a lot about how we think and how we talk about body image.  The more positive wording that is put out there, the more open conversations that occur, the more noticeable it is to spot the words being used about health and our bodies that just don’t fit. How did harsh words become the norm in slogans and headlines? I read a great health article today but almost didn’t….because of the wording in the title. But here is the thing…this title was created to lure in readers so the wording must be working right?

The title had the words “obesity battle” in it.  It really didn’t fit with the writing vibe of the piece and had me wondering if the writer picked these words or if an editor slapped them on before publishing. The energies just didn’t match.  It really got me thinking about how society talks, what words make it to the headlines in order to try to grab busy people’s attention.

Battle. Conquer. Fight.

These three words are everywhere in conjunction with health and body talk. They are used a lot when speaking of illnesses and states of dis-ease. I have had all of them thrown my way in discussions over the last few years regarding my health experiences. But…I don’t want them. And I feel uncomfortable attaching them to me. It comes down to this: I do not want to battle, conquer or fight myself.  Or my body. Any part of my body.

Think about how you speak about your health and your body.  Is it ok to be upset and frustrated sometimes? Sure. I have existed in states of pissedoffedness while trying to get well. But I have also sat in the deepest levels of joy and gratitude. I think I am quite normal to have gone through a range of emotions.  We have relationships with our bodies, and there is an ebb and flow in every relationship. It is not always smooth sailing. But it also shouldn’t be anger all the time. It would not be normal to fight with someone every day. How would you feel to be in fight mode every day?  Exhausted.

Think about the words you choose to describe your body, your feelings, your health or life journey.  If they don’t resonate with you, find more positive ones that do. It’ s all about the body love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Body Love Series: Moments of Gratefulness

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“Little” moments of gratefulness or gratefuls as I like to call them, pop up in my day often.  It’s amazing how many tasks and everyday occurrences bring a smile to my face now. I often go about my day walking around with a mischievous, goofy grin on my face.  It tends to illicit intrigued looks from strangers. Their amusement further amuses me.

These “gratefuls” fill my cup when moments of frustration occur because my brain and body still aren’t properly connecting due to Gluten Ataxia and Hashimoto’s.  For instance, I just took a gentle stretch class for the first time today and it is low stress and very simple, yet I couldn’t do several of the most basic moves. There are many instances in which my brain tries to tell a body part to do something…and the messaging doesn’t make it to that part.  Today I stared at my hands and willed them to move a certain way and they wouldn’t. It is shocking to me when this occurs because as many times as it happens, it is surprising especially because the movement seems so simple. I used to get really frustrated but I take a step back now and think differently.  Today, I was thrilled to be able bodied enough to even be in this class and was grateful for all the messaging that was getting through. The “can do” basket is more full now than the “can’t do” one. That really works for me.

Here are some of my gratefuls this week for what my body allows me to do…

  1. Clearing snow off my car – I used to moan about this…then it became next to impossible to do…and I found myself longing for the days when I had the opportunity to do it. It would be the most exhausting chore and I couldn’t even lift my arms to get a brush onto the roof. Actually just walking to my car in the snow was exhausting! I would sleep all day, or several days to recover from this simple task. Last year when I had more energy, I cleared off my car…and then almost every car in the parking lot!  Although we haven’t had much snow this year, I have been clearing my car with a huge grin on my face yet again. Something everyone dreads and I can’t get enough of it!
  2. Being able to carry my groceries – It’s such a simple task most of us do every week but it’s taken a long time to get feeling and dexterity back into my hands and then the strength to carry items with them. I can pile more items in each bag because I can get them from my grocery cart to my car without almost passing out. Hell, I even carry groceries down the street again! BOOM!
  3. Geting lids off jars – I stopped buying certain foods because I didn’t have the strength to open them. (Nope,not even with that knife trick) Nothing like getting exhausted trying to make dinner. Gimme your jars – these hands are made of steel! (Insert happy jazz hands here)
  4. Walking down the street to do an errand – For a very long time I would have to stop to rest – sometimes 1-2 hours – on people’s lawns –  before being able to walk a few minutes home. I became the rotating neighbourhood lawn ornament! I thank every part of my body daily for allowing me to move, go to the store, mail a letter.  These tasks are all luxuries.
  5. Scooping up my nieces in huge hugs – They are growing like crazy but are still at the age where I can scoop them up into big bear hugs.  Or have them dance on my feet.  And I have the strength to do that again and it means everything.

So, if you are not happy with a particular body part, speak ill of it, curse it….think of all the actions it allows you to do.  List off 5 regular, everyday tasks it allows you to do.  And then I bet you can easily add many more. Doesn’t matter if it’s a little or a lot gushy, flabby, scarred, marked by time, bony, insert any other word here…. Thank your body and appreciate it.  See it. Love it. It’s really quite amazing and gives you gratefuls every day.

The Body Love Series: Here’s to Having a Bikini & a Body…Not a Bikini Body

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As years pass, new language is created and new words and expressions become the norm.  If you would have told me 20 years ago I would be using emojis every day I would have said,”Umm…excuse me?  What are those?” Some words and expressions reflect what we are doing in society and get picked up by newspaper headlines, the covers of magazines and used in advertisements. But here is the thing…just because some words and expressions become “the norm” doesn’t mean we should accept them as normal.

One of those expressions? Bikini Body. As in Get a Bikini Body, Lose Weight Fast to Have A Bikini Body, Quick Exercises to Get a Bikini Body.  I never heard this expression growing up as a kid of the 70’s. I don’t really remember hearing it much in high school either – and I bought a lot of magazines! But in the last 10-15 years use of the term has amped up so much that it’s guaranteed to see it plastered on the covers of most magazines and across TV segments just before summer hits.  And it definitely is a “norm” that should not be accepted as normal.

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Women’s Health magazine decided to do away with this expression on its covers in December, 2015 because its readers asked for it. Loving it! Readers also asked for the mag to do away with the expression “Drop 2 Sizes” on its cover because it implied quick and unhealthy weight loss. Readers from all walks of life resonated with powerful, empowering words like toned, strong and sexy instead. The words “shrink” and “diet” weren’t relating well to its readers and those got the boot as well.  News of this change really resonated with me because I believe words are very powerful forms of energy.  It is one of the reasons I am really happy to be a part of GoodLife Fitness’ #sexysmartstrong campaign which fits in with this energy and shares what many people of all sizes, shapes and abilities feel makes them sexy, smart and strong. I like that sexy doesn’t have to be about what you wear but a state of mind – and that could mean feeling your sexiest in a big old sweatshirt sweating it out at the gym feeling amazingly proud about yourself or taking a walk around the block with your honey – or by yourself. Or a million other ways that make you feel happy and alive.

I speak with girls about the messaging they are bombarded with every day and we talk about how to reinterpret words and phrases – or lose some of them entirely.  I want them to think of the term bikini body as ridiculous now so they grow up to think of it as ridiculous as women. I hope the conversation spurs them to know they have amazing bodies, and that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and thus so do the bikinis. And may those bikinis be cute, athletic, frilly or whatever style allows a person to express who she really is. Any day of the year and every day of the year.

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Join me in retiring this expression. If you see it on a magazine cover you subscribe to, let the editor know it is not resonating with you. Use it as a means of conversation with a girl or teenager in your life and let her know our bodies have no seasons. And if we ever catch ourselves using this expression, let’s make a mental note to try not to in the future. Little ears hear everything we say. Let’s change the Body Love Conversation for the next generation so they laugh at the ridiculousness of this expression people used to use.

The Body Love Series: Be Kind To Yourself Today

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Be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Be understanding. Be patient.

I think we all push ourselves too much sometimes and forget to treat ourselves with the care we would extend to someone else. I know I used to try to do everything, cram way more into a day than there were hours and cheat on my sleep often.  Beat myself up about what didn’t get done. And now…I just don’t. I can’t. I won’t.

I used to be able to get by on 7 hours of sleep. Now my body needs between 8-9 or I just don’t function well the next day. Less than 8 hours and I will have brain fog all day. Not that I’m-tired-and-would-love-a-nap-but-can-still-function kind of thing. More like I can’t get anything done at all. If I have 2 days in a row of less than 8 hours of sleep, I will have talking and walking difficulties from my Gluten Ataxia – so enough sleep is vital in my life.  I have accepted this as my new normal. It is what is needed for me to be a productive person – to put my energy out to the world in  a way that feels right to me. The more caring I can be to my body, the more caring I can be as a person out in the world.

The more I have been doing lately tying to get out there working again, thinking up projects and writing and brainstorming, the more often I need 10 hours of sleep. I told a few people this and they were stunned.  And this isn’t a sleeping-in-kinda-thing or the exhaustion I used to get when first trying to heal my autoimmunity …this is deep, restorative sleep. I wake up ready to go.  I have learned to have a conversation with my body, to truly know what it needs to re-energize.  And if my body needs extra TLC right now, I am going to give it to it. And not feel lazy. And not feel like I am sleeping in and should jump out of bed and be doing something immediately. And not feel like I need to cram more into my day to make up for sleeping later. I am honouring where my body needs to be right now. And I am structuring my life around what my body needs.

I am not going to be sleeping 10 hours per night the rest of my life. But right now I am. And that’s ok.  Just as I am doing my health homework during my waking hours, I believe allowing my body to properly rest and heal at night is doing my health homework during my sleeping hours!  I am still working with my healthcare practitioners to heal many aspects of my body and I have learned to enjoy this up and down journey. It sure as hell is not a drive on a straight highway!  I tend to envision this journey taking place  in a brightly coloured convertible with my hair flowing in the wind, great tunes playing on the radio laughing my ass off, butterflies in my stomach from the big hills…

So I ask you today to honour your body today for where it’s at. For what it needs. For how it feels. Take a moment to listen to it and literally have a Body Love Conversation with it. There are so many answers and peaceful moments when we honour what we truly need and forget about what everyone else is doing.  Wishing you a beautiful day.

Liis xo

 

 

 

 

Welcome to The Body Love Series: Time to Start a Body Love Conversation!

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Something happened when my body completely fell apart.

I ended up loving it even more than I thought possible.

And the more grateful I became, the more I started to stare at my newly working body parts in awe and wonder and thanked them regularly for the gifts they gave me. My eyes and ears became even more in tune to all the negative body image hype sent our way, all the messages blaring through headlines and TV and articles and ads telling me what wasn’t good enough, what needed fixing, what needed replacing.  What needed to be traded in or cast aside.

The energy felt so…wrong.

After several years of not being able to move much and when I could not very well, I really appreciate when my not-so-toned body helps me walk down the street to the grocery store, when my imperfect belly helps me get up out of a chair, when my kinda squishy arms allow me to hug someone. Having not been able to communicate properly with various combinations of slurring and stuttering and forgetting what I was going to say, I feel as though I have several years of speaking to catch up upon!  I say this literally – not figuratively – I want to climb to the top of a mountain and shout to everyone…

YOUR BODY ROCKS!

RIGHT HERE!

RIGHT NOW!

Body image issues have always been important to me. I have had the honour and privilege of being a plus-size/curvy model for over 20 years while working to make changes in fashion that count everyBODY in, and I have been speaking with girls’ groups for years helping them rethink how they think about the messages that bombard them daily.  And the longer my health time-out lasted with Hashimoto’s & Gluten Ataxia, the more it increased my want to speak up more about our need to stop being so hard on ourselves.

You know what really got me?  All those Before & After photos out there in which  people put themselves down. When I could barely move or walk I would stare at them and think how we have been taught to shame the person, the body, that brought us to today.  I wanted to hug all the “Befores” and tell them,” You are amazing. You carried this person all this way. You loved her. You protected her. You did the best you could. Ok, you may have made some mistakes but we all do.  Even the “Afters” do! You are a superstar and I admire you….throughout time, throughout phases and stages. You are you always and you are amazing. ”

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Can we all use some tune-ups?  Absolutely. Is tweaking aspects of your life a good thing? Yes, it totally is!  Are major changes sometimes necessary? For sure. Is eating well a good idea? Hells yes. Should we get active? Yes!  But the key is making changes from a place of body love – not disgust, not shame – not by putting ourselves down. My motto is this:  We need to speak to ourselves, to our bodies like we would a small child. Build it up with love and kindness. Smiles. Laughter. Joy. Isn’t life way more fun that way?

So technically I still can’t climb a mountain…or even many stairs (you can bet I am working on it) in order to shout YOUR BODY ROCKS! But I can create a Body Love Conversation with you here…on my website…on social media…in the press…and would love for you to join in on the #BLC (that’s the cool hashtag you can use to join the convo!)

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Join me for regular Mantra Mondays posts – the link will always be on my homepage – or sign up for my newsletter at the top of this page to get regular Body Love Blasts sent your way. Check out my Instagram & Facebook for a regular dose of Body Love. And I am excited to start speaking with you regularly on Periscope too! I am particularly excited about #BLC Wednesdays Twitter Convos which will feature incredible Body Love guest hosts which will take place on my @liisonlife Twitter page Wednesday February 17th, March 2, 16 and 30th. My inspiring guests will include beauty expert Janine Falcon (@JanineFalcon) of beautygeeks (catch her on the first chat),  athlete and founder of Born to Reign Athletics (@btrathletics) Krista Henderson, Editor-in-chief of DARE magazine (@daremagcanada), Diana Di Poce, and Meghan Bradley, Director of Curvy Expo (@curvyexpo). Will be sure to keep you up to date on all the details as the series unfolds! (No RSVP required!)

I am really looking forward to chatting with you through The Body Love Series. Together we can change the #BLC.

Liis xo!

 

 

 

The Body Love Series: There Is No “Small” Accomplishment

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February 1, 2016 was a ridiculously awesome day.

I did one push-up.

Let’s back this up shall we…

I used to be an avid  bootcamper. Lunges. Squats. Ab work from hell. And tons of push-ups. Lots and lots of push-ups.  I remember being on a shoot in 2009 and the make-up artist was adding some lotion to my legs.  They were rock solid. So were my arms and well, my butt. I was curvy but solid. She flipped out. She had never met a model with such muscle. I was quite proud because for me I didn’t do those sessions to lose weight, to change my size, to have a ripped body. I did those classes because I felt great, because I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone, because they made me feel strong – mentally and physically.

I left every class in an exhausted, steamy haze of sweat – and I loved it! And here is the funny thing…every single person in my class did regular weigh-ins and measurement checks. I didn’t. (I was told I was the only woman in the history of the class not to!)  Those numbers weren’t fuelling me. My newfound strength and sense of accomplishment were fuelling me. As a model, I did have to take my measurements here and there in order to provide that information to clients needing to book a particular size but I never let this define me. One day I had to take my hip measurement for a clothing client that needed to know if a sample pair of pants would fit me….and I realized my hip size had increased…due to my behind becoming more defined from lunges! I thought it was hilarious that I was the only woman in the class loving the fact that her hip measurement  got b-i-g-g-e-r instead of smaller. It still amuses me.

When my workouts started to become impossible in 2011 due to Hashimoto’s, one of the first major difficulties I had was arm strength. I went from being able to crank out push-ups to feeling like my arms were jello. My push-ups left the building in 2011 and it has taken many years to get mobility, feeling and strength from my elbows down through my hands. I have been trying – weekly – to get my push-ups back.

I was in Venice Beach in LA in 2012 and was frustrated and pissed off I could no longer do a push-up. I had no idea at the time that Gluten Ataxia was attacking the messaging from my brain to my body parts, no idea that my system was going to shut down in a way I could not even fathom. I remember telling my friend Shelli that I just wanted to be able to do one. Just one. And she said,”Let’s do some. Right here. Right now. Your body needs help remembering how to do it.” And she practically lifted me in and out of 3 of them. Okay….she DID lift me in and out of 3 of them!  But I was so happy. It felt good. I love this photo because it is sheer triumph and joy, messy hair and all!

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Since then I have kept trying to get strength back and there have been so many tears of sheer determination shed and also many of sheer frustration. The one form of movement that I have been able to make work in my world has been mat Pilates which I have been taking Monday nights for as long as I can remember with my amazing and supportive teacher Svetlana. I had developed so much strength and so many skills over the years and I lost them all in the last few years and instead of starting from scratch, I started at a level way below where I had been years earlier.  She has seen me through so many stages! After my physiotherapy with Neuro-fit Systems in late 2014, I thought my arms were finally starting to get the messaging from my brain to M-O-V-E. Since January 2015 after returning from 3 months of physio, I have tried to do a push-up (with my knees on the ground)  at every Monday class and regularly at home. I celebrated a little bend of my arm. It took me almost an entire year to bend all the way down before collapsing.

I thanked my teacher before the 2015 Christmas holidays and I told her I was going to get my push-up back in 2016. And I warned her that when it happened, I may just yell in class and was apologizing ahead of time for the disturbance to the zen. She told me she expected and looked forward to me celebrating.

And last night, I got my push-up back.

(No, not a proper military one – no need to be cocky right now!)

I really wasn’t expecting it.

It was a gift out of the blue…

…6 years in the making!

I tried to be quiet. I really did. But 6 years of pent up frustration and joy and wonder and gratitude came spilling out and I think I did some form of a yelping victory shout just as Svetlana was watching me come out of the push-up. She knew what was happening and was grinning before I uttered a sound. My classmates all threw me loving words of congratulations. And then I went into child’s pose and wept and wept and slimed my mat with joyous tears. The rest of the class was a blur – literally – I kept crying and couldn’t see anything!

And something so “little” is so life changing. So empowering. Such a stunning, gorgeous gift to receive. Doing one push-up is quite easily one of my life’s greatest accomplishments.  Who knew one little action could mean so much?

I find it amazing as I am launching my Body Love Series, that I get this amazing gift.

So, when there is talk about weight and size and jumping on scales and counting calories and BMI this or that….I just want to say….who cares? I just did my first push-up in 6 years. My body is perfect. And so is yours. Ridiculously, amazingly perfect. No number on a scale, no size on the back of a bathing suit could ever be sweeter to me than my one push-up.  Can we change diet talk to accomplishment talk please?

Looking forward to having you join The Body Love Conversation and sharing your ideas, thoughts and journey.  Use the hashtag #BLC so we can all hear what you want to share.

The Body Love Series: A Letter to My 17-Year-Old Self – Thank You For Allowing Me to Do Fashion My Way

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When I was in high school, I landed a teenage-dream-job as a receptionist for a large photography studio for the summer. It was something out of a teen movie about the girl who finds herself having the most amazing luck possible, where she squeals with glee on the phone with her girlfriends and says “pinch me!” a lot. I still remember trying to be utterly cool my first week on the job when the reception area was filled with gorgeous male models there for a casting call. I had to speak because I needed to answer the phone but inside I was dying and I am sure my face was beet red. How exactly did I land this dream job anyway? (Later, I asked my boss what made her hire me…her reply,”Oh, nothing really.  You were the only one who showed up and was kind of normal. Everyone else was weird.”  I have mad skills.)

I was asked to fill in for a model who didn’t show up one day. Umm, ok. What do I get to wear?  Remember those aerobic outfits from the 80’s?  Where you wore your underwear over your bodysuit?  Ya, that.  On a treadmill. Fake jogging. And my head would be cut off.  I made tons of hilarious faces to crack up the photographer…only to learn later, when the entire editing room was howling, that edits happen AFTER the shoot. This little taste of modelling had me intrigued. I did another shoot for the studio this time in a one-piece track suit. (Sensing an 80’s fitness theme…)  I think I made $50. Don’t say the 80’s never gave us anything. I still have the photo. I may show it to you one day…

After this summer of intrigue, I tried to get into modelling. At 5’10.5″, I weighed about 130 lbs and was very healthy and athletic. At the first agency I visited, after meeting me for all of 5 minutes, the agent told me to stand on a giant scale in the middle of the crowded waiting room.  He then told me I was too fat. I was then scolded for having a cranberry muffin as a snack – funny the things one remembers years later. As the agent wagged his finger in my face scolding me for my body, scolding me for what I had eaten, scolding me for being me, I felt my body tighten and everything inside me scream,”This energy is NOT right.”  I said nothing. He told me to return the next week for a regular weigh-in and to start dieting.  And absolutely no more snacks or cranberry muffins. I stared at him and said nothing. I left. As I walked confused and fuming to the subway, I vowed never to go back. I realized probably ever other girl in that waiting room would be there for the weigh-in the following week…

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I was mad at myself for having let someone speak to me that way.

I was mad at myself for having stood on that scale.

  I was mad at myself for letting him wave his finger in my face.

  I was mad at myself for letting him tell me that my healthy way of living was wrong.

I visited another agency.  I was told again to lose weight. I was told my lips were much too small for my face – but that I could come back and take really expensive courses. As I stared at the agent still talking,  I decided then and there modelling wasn’t for me. I left again.

I went off to university not giving modelling another thought.  Several years later after finishing my degree, I was walking through The Toronto Eaton Centre with my sister. By then I was about a straight size 14. A modelling scout stopped me.  She asked me if I had ever considered becoming a model.  Most girls would have been ecstatic. I completely rebuffed her. My response went something like this,” I know how this works. You want me to lose a ton of weight. I am not interested.”  To which she responded,”Have you ever heard of plus-size modelling?  You don’t have to lose a pound. You are perfect the way you are.”  When I heard that, I was intrigued and started asking a ton of questions.  When I realized I could make a go of this career and be true to me, to my body, she had my full attention. The plus-size modelling industry was so new I hadn’t heard of it. But all of a sudden, going forward with my dream of modelling felt authentic. Or how I always like to tell young girls when we speak of body image, the feeling in my head, my heart and my stomach felt right – my intuition was giving me the go-ahead.

I look back all these years later – almost 25 – to a life and career that has been so fulfilling, to adventures in countries around the world, to having met countless incredible creative people and companies.  I look back to countless conversations with girls and teens about body image and media literacy – many times with their moms and dads joining in. I look back to being the Director of a modelling agency I was proud of that represented women of all backgrounds, heights, shapes, sizes and abilities that went completely out of the box creating countless opportunities that didn’t exist before.  I look to TV work showcasing that everybody and every BODY is beautiful and should be represented in fashion. And most importantly, I look back to the last few years of my health journey and developing the ultimate in body love from one of the biggest lessons in my life.

And… I just want to thank my teenage self for walking away from what didn’t feel right and making this all possible.  If I could right now speak with my 17-year-old self, I would tell her this:

Dear 17-Year-Old Me,

Do not for one second beat yourself up over stepping on that scale.  For going out there and exploring something new. You walked away with your head high and determination in your heart and soul. What you see as a moment of weakness right now, of anger for being talked down to, will define your life, will propel you further into knowing what you want and what you don’t. What is right. What is wrong.

Those few minutes on that scale will give you a lifetime of speaking with young girls and building them up so they will stand up when they need to stand up and walk away with no regrets when they need to walk away. You have a strength and determination that will only continue to grow. Do not curse yourself for your silence, applaud yourself for your strong will. Know that doing what feels right in your mind, heart and soul in this very moment will have a ripple effect throughout your life and lead you to much happiness. More than anything, know that in the future, you will rock fashion on YOUR terms and it will turn out incredibly well. Keep being true to you. You are doing an amazing job. 

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 

I love you fiercely.

Admire you greatly.

All my love,

Your Future Self xo

I keep saying we need to love ourselves through time and I sometimes get a puzzled look.  But we do. All our decisions help form our lives, our happiness. Every act is a ripple in some way. Applaud yourself for all the positivity you have created and forgive yourself for anything you need to release. Happy all these years later after stepping on that scale and not going back, to be having this Body Love Conversation with you right now. What a beautiful perk from a “small” decision in my life.