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Creating a Life You Love & Amping Up Mindfulness with the Soul Homework Podcast

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Why hello new podcast! January 15th was the birth of the Soul Homework podcast and I have had the honour of having incredible chats with so many fascinating guests already. I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings!

I am constantly asked for advice about small changes we can make to bring easy change and happiness into our busy, daily lives. I love that each guest offers up simple “Soul Homework” we can all implement immediately. One common element with each guest is that their trials, tough roads and journeys have led them to carve out change and happiness in ways their earlier selves could have never imagined. There is serious shift happening in our time outs, in our aha moments! There is growth in the mess, in the uncomfortable, in the need to do something differently from everyone else. These chats also represent that we are not alone. There are others that have trudged through the muck too – and come out the other side. There are others attempting to change the world in small but massively important ways. Soul Homework is all about “little” changes and steps leading to big change.

It has taken me years to be able to speak properly again after my journey with Gluten Ataxia and Hashimoto’s. I experienced slurring, stuttering, nerve issues around my mouth, having to build up my energy and motor skills enough to be able to speak longer (2o minutes daily was the norm for quite some time) and being able to have cohesive conversations with severe brain fog and memory issues. I never thought I would be able to host a podcast or do the work associated with it so to say this step means the world to me would be an understatement. The power to use one’s voice and express one’s thoughts is one of the biggest gifts and I feel blessed to be able to share such incredible chats with all of you!

New episodes will be released every month on the 5th, 15th and 25th. I believe there is much energetic power in numbers and was delighted when I saw the energetic meaning of 5-5-5!

555 – Major changes and significant transformations are here for you. You have an opportunity to break out of the chrysalis and uncover the amazing life you truly deserve. (Doreen Virtue, Angel Numbers)

The first 5 episodes are up with my soul sister Possibility Hacker Shelli Varela helping me launch the show followed by chats with Connection Catalyst Jan Keck, Creatrix Gail Jessen and Cam Algie who is helping us learn how to play again through improv. So looking forward to continuing to bring you guests that will inspire you to create a life you love!

Have an idea for a guest that has transformed your world in beautiful ways? Someone sharing his or her amazing story and gifts with the world? Let me know in the comments below. And when you do listen to the show, please take a few moments to share a short review on iTunes. Every comment helps the show get to the ears of more listeners and is so appreciated! To many beautiful conversations this year and beyond.

A Simple Two Word Mantra: It’s Easy

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As I sat quietly this morning feeling (not thinking) how I wanted to start my day, I closed my eyes to sit in meditative silence. Sometimes I simply breathe mindfully allowing my brain and body to quiet down. I may listen to nature sounds or ocean waves and be lulled by their beautiful flow. Other days I find myself having a conversation with the universe or like today, a simple mantra came into my mind. I went with the mantra.

As I am getting close to releasing my first meditation album Falling Into Zen – 10 Guided Meditations Under 10 Minutes (info about its availabilty will be on my website soon) I have had many conversations with people that yes, calming & empowering oneself with a healthy mind, body and soul connection can take mere minutes daily. Perhaps this is why my mantra popped up. When a thought like this calmly enters my mind, I don’t try to push is away. I realize it is surfacing as a gift and quietly explore the information it is trying to share with me.

This morning these words popped into my mind: It’s easy.

So I went with it…

It’s easy to be happy.

It’s easy to be healthy.

It’s easy to have a life I love.

It’s easy to be surrounded by love. 

It’s easy to be filled with joy.

It’s easy to laugh a lot. 

It’s easy to travel the world.

It’s easy to be filled with creative ideas. 

It’s easy to have an incredible career I love.

It’s easy to attract fantastic people, companies and projects.

It’s easy to make lots of money.

It’s easy to make lots of money so I can help others. 

It’s easy to create positive change on this planet. 

It’s easy. Whatever I think, I can do. It’s easy. Whatever I think, I can create. It’s easy.

I am sure there were a few more in there but you get the idea. One “it’s easy” flowed easily into another…and then another… When we change our minds, we change our world. When we change our world, we can then change the world. Small steps can create big changes and what could be simpler than taking a couple minutes to explore the power of two small words?

Happiness Dwells In The “Little” Moments

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Last week was quite delicious. And gratifying. And exciting. And rewarding.

I did not win a mega jackpot lottery or get a new car or home or land a huge contract. What I did get were the oh-so-sweet rewards for years of patience, dedication and determination. I got pieces of my life back.

Every Monday night as far back as I can remember is Pilates night. It took me years to master the moves, strength and agility needed in class. In 2011, I still had moves to master but I was so happy with how I had developed over the years. Then I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in 2011 and Gluten Ataxia in 2013. I lost all strength, dexterity and my brain and body literally forgot how to do anything and my brain was not sending the proper messaging to my limbs. My legs would plummet to the floor, my arms did not work and were in severe pain, my body would tremor in protest and the simplest moves became utterly exhausting. I would silently cry throughout every class either from complete system overwhelm, sheer frustation or both. And I would leave walking like I was drunk having just got off a roller coaster. Over the years, Pilates grew to become an integral part of my physiotherapy as it was one of the only forms of physical movement I could participate in.

On February 1, 2016, in a Pilates class, I got a push-up back after years of trying.  It was one of the sweetest moments of my life. I did feel like I had won the lottery. This Monday I got another “simple” move back – after 7 years of sheer dedication! My teacher laughed out loud in celebration as did I. Sweet victory! I still have to adapt a lot of moves and hold my legs up with a band but I am grinning. I am thrilled. I am so beyond grateful it is ridiculous. I never thought I would get back to this level of strength.

The next day I did a photo shoot – in high heels. Something that again, I used to do regularly as a model which left my life when I developed severe balance and dizziness issues and an adverse reaction (not being able to walk or talk)  to gluten in make-up and beauty products. I used my own gluten-free make-up kit for this one and rocked those heels!

And to close a week of ridiculously sweet accomplishments, I did a fashion runway show on Saturday. In high heels. Under bright lights with loud pumping music. I flashed back to the last runway I was able to walk in 2012, in which I was in a complete panic as I walked out in severe pain to a massive crowd at Toronto Fashion Week and felt the room swirling around me, my feet and legs feeling like they would give out, the music and lights actually hurting and splitting into a million moving parts attacking my senses, knowing that something was severely wrong. I flashed back to having so much trouble simply doing up a button, a zipper, changing my own clothes, putting on shoes. I’ve done a plethora of runway shows over 25 years and I don’t think one can be sweeter than the last. What a gift.

A simple exercise move. Standing in high heels. Walking in a show. We don’t realize what lights us up until it’s taken away. We don’t realize how many pieces of our identity make us who we are until they vanish from our lives. We don’t realize the gift of movement and how it helps define us and the confidence and joy it gives us until it disappears. And we don’t realize how many gifts are given to us regularly in seemingly insignifcant moments. Life is delicous, every moment, every day in so many ways.

Celebrate Climbing YOUR Mountain

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I’ve got a mountain.

You’ve got a mountain.

We’ve all got a mountain of some sort.

And we need to celebrate climbing our mountain whatever it may look like.

I’ve learned some valuable life lessons over the last few years. There is no trying to keep up with the Joneses. There is no comparing my level of accomplishment to anyone else’s. I am setting the bar for myself and patting myself on the back along the way. And giving myself high fives – lots of them.

This month I started a fitness ball class…without the ball. And a weight class…without the weights. I am a bonafide athletic superstar.  As Julia Roberts once said in a movie, “I’ve got moves you’ve never seen before.”

Here’s the thing, I look completely normal and am feeling more like myself as each week passes but my body and brain are still learning how to hang out in the same room together even with regular “health homework.” Recovering from Gluten Ataxia autoimmunity that has affected my brain has had me relearning a lot of motor skills. Who needs weights when my arms are still heavy enough to lift? In physiotherapy, simply sitting on an exercise ball was one of the most terrifying acts I have ever done. Crazy right? It felt like hanging off the ledge of a skyscraper about to fall to my untimely death. I cannot print the words that came out of my mouth during those sessions – thankfully my physiotherapists found my profanity amusing.

This week I got on an exercise ball. I wedged it against a wall, but I got on. And then I looked drunk bobbing and swaying as I walked home. It is not fun to walk into a class feeling normal and leave an hour later feeling like you just downed a Pinot Grigio in the middle of your workout but it’s a sign to me that more needs to be fixed but also that more of me is coming back together. And I am thrilled to be at a point that my body and brain can bounce back after about 15 minutes versus days, versus not having been able to do any of it at all.

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And you know what? I feel like an Olympian. With medals. Lots of them. Phelps style.

I am not the fastest.

Or the most agile.

Or very coordinated.

And I have to adapt the entire workout and go slow.

But I am climbing MY mountain…and it feels ridiculously sweet.

PSST! I write weekly on this seriously juicy book loving site.  This article originally appeared there. You can catch this article and my other articles and other really great ones by fabulous writers over here.

Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine

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The last few years have been seriously filled with a million and one utterly beautiful life lessons. I appreciate them with every fiber of my being. And then some. And then more. I have learned so much about myself, the world and my place in it. While going through and earning my PHD – Personal Health Discoveries – I got down to what really matters on every level. I really could not have asked for better schooling to appreciate this world in every minute detail. But here is the thing…like any serious studying with an incredible reward at the end of the tunnel, there has been little to no fun in the process. Zilch. No laughter. No belly laughs. Lots of pulling hair out wondering when it would all finally be over. (Ok…and with Hashimoto’s, it just kinda fell out on its own…) Let’s be frank here, with as much beauty as I have found and discovered in the pain and frustration of autoimmunity, there were vast swatches of sheer and utter suckage. No laughter. Lots of suckage. And I have become determined to bring the funny back. I NEED to bring the funny back.

I  made a pact to have copious amounts of belly laughs this year. Like rolling on the floor, tears pouring down my face, grasping my stomach, practically peeing my pants, stop-I-can’t-breathe kind of belly laughs.  There has been so much tension – physically, mentally….on a soul level. I needed a comic release. Having taken tons of improv classes over the years and even stand-up, I yearned for the weekly hilarity of the classes I used to take, the crazy, brilliant, quick minded individuals I used to improv with at Second City. In the pain, I forgot how to be funny. In the pain, it was hard to laugh. In the pain, it was tons of work trying to move away from the pain. With a broken and foggy brain from Gluten Ataxia and Hashimoto’s, thoughts were not firing the way they were supposed to if they were firing at all. If my legs and arms didn’t know where to go, neither did any glimmers of humour. My funny bone was seriously broken.

This year I have decided to bring on the goofy.  Bring back stupidity. Bring on the fun. Laugh until I cry. Text my friends ridiculous inside jokes. Have funny banter with strangers. Earlier this year, I took a drop-in improv class. After a few simple hilarious warm-up games, my brain was fried. The room was spinning. My body was protesting and was in a lot of pain. It was like a physiotherapy session with tons of hand to eye coordination needed with clapping and memory games. But glimmers of funny came out from hiding. “We’re still here! We’re still here!” I freakin’ loved it. My body and brain may have protested over the next couple of days but my soul determined we were completely on track.

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This was taken on International Ataxia Awareness Day, September 25, 2016, as I tried to leap in the air. It still makes me laugh. Not only was I thrilled to be jumping which has eluded me for years, to be goofy at the same time proves my mind, body, soul and funny bone are all hanging out in the same room again!

I decided on my birthday in May that I needed to bring in the upcoming year with humour. I believe in setting our intentions for the upcoming year on our birthdays. I took another drop-in improv class.  (And umm….I skipped my nieces’ school recital. Yes, I did. I r-e-a-l-l-y needed to get my humour order in….) Best. Idea. Ever. (Sorry nieces. Love you!) The room was still spinning and if you were to see me try to clap you would crack up.  I figured I could make my drunk-like ataxia actions into a fairly hilarious character. Work with watcha got…

I’ve done some more drop-ins and am taking a public speaking course at Second City. And it IS my physiotherapy. It IS rewiring my brain bringing back the funny. It is helping me tell painful aspects of my story with light and humour. It is recharging my spirit. And I have been laughing my ass off as my fellow classmates share their stories, their jokes, their humour, as we share our collective vulnerability whether we present something serious or light hearted. It is a joy trying out new ways of expressing myself outside the confines of my “PHD.”

I can now flash to several times over the last few months in which I have had deep belly laughs. How many times I have had tears pouring down my cheeks dying over something with a friend. Laughter really is the best medicine and a medicine that we need regularly. I aim to embarrass my nieces with my goofiness in public while teaching them that we must honour all aspects of our personalities.  There is a time for seriousness….but having been stuck in seriousness for several years, I really need to honour fun. Laughter. Goofiness. Our souls need it. My soul needs it.

 

 

 

The 7 Year Itch: My Ridiculously Long Road To Paddleboarding

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Today has pixie dust sprinkled all over it. It reeks of rainbows and unicorns. It is sunshine and cake. (Gluten-free of course because that gluten character is a big part of this 7 year itch…) As my friend Shelli always says, “Today is the BEST DAY EVER!” Today is MAGICAL – and yes, I mean to be YELLING! From the rooftops actually. Today, after waiting patiently – and not so patiently – since 2010, I finally – more yelling….FINALLY….got on a paddleboard!

As I head to the beach most days, in 2010, I started to notice paddleboarders on the lake. There were just a few back then as “SUPping” (stand up paddleboarding) was only starting to take off but I was determined to get on one the next summer and was really looking forward to it. By the summer of 2011 I felt lousy, had zero energy and was struggling just to stay awake. I went from working out 5 days a week preparing for my first 5K run to barely being able to get up the stairs. My body was in pain daily.  In September, 2011, I was diagnosed with autoimmune Hashimoto’s which explained why I felt so lousy.  I was determined to make a swift recovery….(insert rolling of eyes and I-know-better-now smirking….)

Over the next couple years, my arms morphed from excruciating daily pain to having very little use of them from the elbows down. My hands and arms working would be a guessing game depending on the day of the week. Everyday activities felt like they were being done with concrete boots on while walking through quicksand. All my energy was going into simply getting through everyday life – sports were impossible.  And being athletic, it was crushing my soul. In September, 2013, within a couple weeks, I could barely walk, talk, chew properly or think. I was stumbling around, could not put one foot in front of the other and was slurring my words. I looked and sounded drunk. I do not exaggerate when I say my brain and body felt decimated. I was terrified more than I let on to anyone. In December, 2013, I was finally diagnosed with Gluten Ataxia, a rare dis-ease in which gluten causes an autoimmune attack on the cerebellum, the part of the brain responsible for motor skills.

Since this all started, I have done everything in my power to make myself healthy. It has taken years to get back muscle strength, balance and coordination.  It has taken a long time to do physical motions without body parts severely cramping up or them simply not remembering what to do or going rogue as I like to call it.  It has also taken a long time to do several movements at the same time. I call it Body Jenga – how many moves can I do before my body stubbornly protests I have pushed too much and it all falls apart? Paddleboarding looks so easy and effortless, yet it’s really rather complicated when your sense of balance caused you to fall over for several years simply by standing still – on land. Last year I was looking into motorized scooter prices.

Every day at sunset when I would meditate at the beach, wishing I could be out on the water, the paddleboarders would glide by.  Some days they brought me comfort. Some days I was so angry and frustrated I wished I hadn’t seen them.  And other days my meditation would involve envisioning myself strong and sturdy out there at sunset casually gliding by alongside them. I finally sat in the energy that they were keeping me company until I was ready to join them.

This month, I finally realized I had enough balance, energy and coordination to get up on a board, hold the paddle and stroke on both sides.   I (hopefully) would be able to get back on if I fell off. I also hoped I could make it through an hour class. I could swim with enough strength to not drown which was an added bonus. You can imagine my excitement to get on a board… And then the weather decided to kick up some windy waves delaying this several times. As I repeated,”Patience is a virtue,” over and over in my mind…I wanted to smack patience with a paddleboard!

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Today at 9AM it was a go. I was a kid at Christmas – a Christmas that had been bumped several times! It was a stunningly beautiful day – a full moon lunar eclipse none the less. There were small waves but it’s September and the clock is ticking on how much more time there is on the lake before it gets really cold and a lot more windy. And you know what? I cannot even imagine a more perfect first experience.  I didn’t care if I stood for one second and then got dumped into the lake – hell, I didn’t care if I even stood up because I did not know if I would have the balance. I was happy to be on that board!

My instructor Gudrun of wsup Toronto was beyond lovely and helpful and guided our group on our Blu Wave Sup boards as we paddled into the sun (gorgeous) and then into a quiet, shallow inlet for us to try standing.  I landed in the lake several times – and loved it every single time. It actually gave my brain and body a break from all the movement and balancing.  I needed it! (Was also very thankful as I explore my new energy to be wearing a life jacket) But I also stood several times and got some strokes in before wiping out. I would have been happy to have stood for one second. Every wipe out was joy-filled!  7 years of waiting joy-filled. I love the shot of me paddling above looking like a badass catching a wave…in fact I was just about to wipe out which will forever make me laugh!

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I floated in the lake after staring at the clouds with a huge grin on my face. Then I sat on the beach warming myself in the sun…and started to cry.  From gratitude. From years of pent up frustration and a finish line that just kept stretching beyond my reach. From utter happiness. From relief. From pride. When I looked at these photos later, I cried again. When I spoke with my mom tonight and told her about my morning, I sobbed with gratitude. How could 7 years have gone by not being able to do something so soul rewarding?  I realize why today was so important. For 7 years this has been the carrot dangling in front of me that I really, really wanted…and was always yanked further out of reach. And today I grasped it.

I sat in deep reflection today.  I didn’t just paddleboard. Parts of me came back together. Today I really felt like me. And I can’t think of anything more amazing than truly feeling like who you really are.

 

 

The Body Love Series: Be Kind To Yourself Today

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Be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Be understanding. Be patient.

I think we all push ourselves too much sometimes and forget to treat ourselves with the care we would extend to someone else. I know I used to try to do everything, cram way more into a day than there were hours and cheat on my sleep often.  Beat myself up about what didn’t get done. And now…I just don’t. I can’t. I won’t.

I used to be able to get by on 7 hours of sleep. Now my body needs between 8-9 or I just don’t function well the next day. Less than 8 hours and I will have brain fog all day. Not that I’m-tired-and-would-love-a-nap-but-can-still-function kind of thing. More like I can’t get anything done at all. If I have 2 days in a row of less than 8 hours of sleep, I will have talking and walking difficulties from my Gluten Ataxia – so enough sleep is vital in my life.  I have accepted this as my new normal. It is what is needed for me to be a productive person – to put my energy out to the world in  a way that feels right to me. The more caring I can be to my body, the more caring I can be as a person out in the world.

The more I have been doing lately tying to get out there working again, thinking up projects and writing and brainstorming, the more often I need 10 hours of sleep. I told a few people this and they were stunned.  And this isn’t a sleeping-in-kinda-thing or the exhaustion I used to get when first trying to heal my autoimmunity …this is deep, restorative sleep. I wake up ready to go.  I have learned to have a conversation with my body, to truly know what it needs to re-energize.  And if my body needs extra TLC right now, I am going to give it to it. And not feel lazy. And not feel like I am sleeping in and should jump out of bed and be doing something immediately. And not feel like I need to cram more into my day to make up for sleeping later. I am honouring where my body needs to be right now. And I am structuring my life around what my body needs.

I am not going to be sleeping 10 hours per night the rest of my life. But right now I am. And that’s ok.  Just as I am doing my health homework during my waking hours, I believe allowing my body to properly rest and heal at night is doing my health homework during my sleeping hours!  I am still working with my healthcare practitioners to heal many aspects of my body and I have learned to enjoy this up and down journey. It sure as hell is not a drive on a straight highway!  I tend to envision this journey taking place  in a brightly coloured convertible with my hair flowing in the wind, great tunes playing on the radio laughing my ass off, butterflies in my stomach from the big hills…

So I ask you today to honour your body today for where it’s at. For what it needs. For how it feels. Take a moment to listen to it and literally have a Body Love Conversation with it. There are so many answers and peaceful moments when we honour what we truly need and forget about what everyone else is doing.  Wishing you a beautiful day.

Liis xo

 

 

 

 

The Body Love Series: There Is No “Small” Accomplishment

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February 1, 2016 was a ridiculously awesome day.

I did one push-up.

Let’s back this up shall we…

I used to be an avid  bootcamper. Lunges. Squats. Ab work from hell. And tons of push-ups. Lots and lots of push-ups.  I remember being on a shoot in 2009 and the make-up artist was adding some lotion to my legs.  They were rock solid. So were my arms and well, my butt. I was curvy but solid. She flipped out. She had never met a model with such muscle. I was quite proud because for me I didn’t do those sessions to lose weight, to change my size, to have a ripped body. I did those classes because I felt great, because I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone, because they made me feel strong – mentally and physically.

I left every class in an exhausted, steamy haze of sweat – and I loved it! And here is the funny thing…every single person in my class did regular weigh-ins and measurement checks. I didn’t. (I was told I was the only woman in the history of the class not to!)  Those numbers weren’t fuelling me. My newfound strength and sense of accomplishment were fuelling me. As a model, I did have to take my measurements here and there in order to provide that information to clients needing to book a particular size but I never let this define me. One day I had to take my hip measurement for a clothing client that needed to know if a sample pair of pants would fit me….and I realized my hip size had increased…due to my behind becoming more defined from lunges! I thought it was hilarious that I was the only woman in the class loving the fact that her hip measurement  got b-i-g-g-e-r instead of smaller. It still amuses me.

When my workouts started to become impossible in 2011 due to Hashimoto’s, one of the first major difficulties I had was arm strength. I went from being able to crank out push-ups to feeling like my arms were jello. My push-ups left the building in 2011 and it has taken many years to get mobility, feeling and strength from my elbows down through my hands. I have been trying – weekly – to get my push-ups back.

I was in Venice Beach in LA in 2012 and was frustrated and pissed off I could no longer do a push-up. I had no idea at the time that Gluten Ataxia was attacking the messaging from my brain to my body parts, no idea that my system was going to shut down in a way I could not even fathom. I remember telling my friend Shelli that I just wanted to be able to do one. Just one. And she said,”Let’s do some. Right here. Right now. Your body needs help remembering how to do it.” And she practically lifted me in and out of 3 of them. Okay….she DID lift me in and out of 3 of them!  But I was so happy. It felt good. I love this photo because it is sheer triumph and joy, messy hair and all!

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Since then I have kept trying to get strength back and there have been so many tears of sheer determination shed and also many of sheer frustration. The one form of movement that I have been able to make work in my world has been mat Pilates which I have been taking Monday nights for as long as I can remember with my amazing and supportive teacher Svetlana. I had developed so much strength and so many skills over the years and I lost them all in the last few years and instead of starting from scratch, I started at a level way below where I had been years earlier.  She has seen me through so many stages! After my physiotherapy with Neuro-fit Systems in late 2014, I thought my arms were finally starting to get the messaging from my brain to M-O-V-E. Since January 2015 after returning from 3 months of physio, I have tried to do a push-up (with my knees on the ground)  at every Monday class and regularly at home. I celebrated a little bend of my arm. It took me almost an entire year to bend all the way down before collapsing.

I thanked my teacher before the 2015 Christmas holidays and I told her I was going to get my push-up back in 2016. And I warned her that when it happened, I may just yell in class and was apologizing ahead of time for the disturbance to the zen. She told me she expected and looked forward to me celebrating.

And last night, I got my push-up back.

(No, not a proper military one – no need to be cocky right now!)

I really wasn’t expecting it.

It was a gift out of the blue…

…6 years in the making!

I tried to be quiet. I really did. But 6 years of pent up frustration and joy and wonder and gratitude came spilling out and I think I did some form of a yelping victory shout just as Svetlana was watching me come out of the push-up. She knew what was happening and was grinning before I uttered a sound. My classmates all threw me loving words of congratulations. And then I went into child’s pose and wept and wept and slimed my mat with joyous tears. The rest of the class was a blur – literally – I kept crying and couldn’t see anything!

And something so “little” is so life changing. So empowering. Such a stunning, gorgeous gift to receive. Doing one push-up is quite easily one of my life’s greatest accomplishments.  Who knew one little action could mean so much?

I find it amazing as I am launching my Body Love Series, that I get this amazing gift.

So, when there is talk about weight and size and jumping on scales and counting calories and BMI this or that….I just want to say….who cares? I just did my first push-up in 6 years. My body is perfect. And so is yours. Ridiculously, amazingly perfect. No number on a scale, no size on the back of a bathing suit could ever be sweeter to me than my one push-up.  Can we change diet talk to accomplishment talk please?

Looking forward to having you join The Body Love Conversation and sharing your ideas, thoughts and journey.  Use the hashtag #BLC so we can all hear what you want to share.

So I Did A TEDx Talk…

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I love TED and TEDx talks. Ever since I first discovered them I was hooked and in the back on my mind I thought,”I want to do one of those one day.” I’ve been able to see people I admire speak about their lives and experiences or been introduced to individuals I had never heard of before but after their talks had me madly Googling them to find out more.The first one I viewed will always resonate with me and I have watched it countless times – Aimee Mullins: It’s not fair having 12 pairs of legs.  Aimee is so incredible on so many levels and I love speaking of her, sharing her images and her point of view with children when we talk about body image and self-esteem. Amanda Palmer: The Art of Asking is so brilliantly delivered that it upped the game for every presentation I saw after. I was completely smitten by Ron Finely’s A Guerilla Gardener in South Central LA talk. Have watched it numerous times and it is powerful yet amusing. You have to catch Brene Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability. And one that deeply touched my soul and had me tearing up was Monica Lewinsky: The price of shame.  Incredible. I tried to hug her through the computer.

I put it out to the universe that I wanted to do a TEDx talk by the end of 2015…and then I got an email in February…asking me to do a TEDx talk. I almost fell off my chair.  (I need to keep manifesting!) I was invited by Craig Zimmer, an incredible teacher,  who has been sharing his passion for TED talks with his students, school – and the entire school board –  through the TEDxStMaryCSS event and the TEDEdClub. I love that he is encouraging the next generation to speak up with confidence! I figured I had until June 5, the date of the event, to get my body and brain working better together while healing from gluten ataxia.  Lots of time I thought.  After many revisions, I decided to entitle my talk An Exploration of Identity and take the audience through the journey I had been on that had opened my eyes to so many lessons. I thought I was doing well as the date was approaching…even if my walking was still not up to par, my brain seemed to be working better. I just needed my brain and my mouth to work on that stage for less than 2o minutes and all would be fine.

However, the more I spoke aloud and practiced, the more scrambled my brain got. My brain is still building up its motor skills and connections and speaking was taking me down. Leading up to the talk, I was slurring my words, stuttering, flipping words in sentences and was unable to remember anything that was not in chronological order.  My head hurt in a way it had never hurt before – not a headache….like someone who was injuring herself by repeating an action.  I was sobbing in my friend Shelli’s arms in my kitchen 2 days before my talk. Not only did I not think I would physically be able to do it, I questioned if I would ever be able to give a talk or work on TV ever again.  I explained to my friend that it felt like a runner trying to complete a marathon on a broken leg in a cast – could it be possible? Yes. Would it lead to long term injury? Probably. Would it be a very good idea? No. It must be noted that Shelli is a complete and utter rock star and has literally hugged my soul daily throughout this journey.

With fellow TEDx speakers Ashley Rose & Simone Denny.

With fellow TEDx speakers Ashley Rose & Simone Denny.

I asked if I could speak at the event first and meticulously planned what I ate that morning and when, when I meditated and drove there in silence. Eating with precise timing helped stave off severe blood sugar issues which would also lead to severe brain fog, stuttering and slurring. Knowing I could speak first meant I knew my food would help keep my brain operating and I would not have to worry about how the day’s timing unfolded. I wouldn’t have to worry about how much I spoke with others or how much I walked because both would take up a lot of energy needed for the talk. I did anything and everything to calm down my brain. And I made the executive decision to eliminate all slides. It may sound simple to talk while clicking the remote in order to pull up a few pictures but for me that seemed the equivalent of running backwards while patting my head and rubbing my belly while trying to tell a joke. I asked if I could put up a few bullet points on the prompter instead. I could. I exhaled. Salvation.

I am really proud of my TEDx talk – for standing up there and simply speaking. I climbed a mountain to get there and presenting it was a sweet-as-all-hell gift. It didn’t matter to me if I was standing or sitting – I just wanted to speak. I literally spent all summer after that looking into getting a scooter wheelchair because I just kept getting utterly exhausted – and I realized that being able to speak meant more to me than walking everywhere.  Every day became a day of bartering with my motor skills. Ok, you want to use this motor skill?  You’ve got to give up these ones for the rest of the day. You want to use several motor skills today?  You will need to nap for the rest of the week… I wanted my energy….to speak…to be me…to express myself to the world, share my thoughts and ideas – and I did not care anymore if I was standing or sitting. Where once I was completely gutted by the thought of sitting in a scooter, I started to get really excited. I could feel the wind whipping through my hair on the path by the beach and pictured myself buzzing around airports going places. I looked up rentals at The Louvre and figured I would have an advantage and actually see way more incredible art on a scooter! THAT got me really excited. And I was introduced to the magic of an electric bike which further opened up my world of possibilities. If it could conserve my energy to be able to speak and communicate and socialize more, and enjoy more moments,  it would be worth it to sit more often.  I realized even more so how much I truly loved and valued my brain and the thoughts in it and the expression my lips could convey to the world.

What a hell of a way to truly know body love and to appreciate every single day on this planet!  I continuously tweak my “health homework” and made some more health changes at the end of the summer that have helped turn my energy levels around.  Every day has been a gift in more mobility, increased energy, better brain function and creativity. I know healing will be an ongoing process for quite some time but I am overjoyed with the changes and revel in walking a little longer as each month passes. I am so beyond honoured to have been able to present this talk and now know that my desire to get out there and do more talks is possible. Bring. It. On. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch my TEDx talk. Every view means more to me than I could ever convey. And please…

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Love yourself more.

Hug your soul more.

Tell your body it is amazing regularly.

Stare at your body parts in wonder.

Stop stepping on a scale every day.

Don’t worry about what size you are.

Thank your body for its magnificence.

Know that you are ridiculously amazing throughout all time and space.

You are utterly perfect – never forget it.

Liis xo

 

 

 

 

 

Pay Attention to the Little Heath Things…They Are Never Little

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I had a few big smiles this week. From little things. Little things that are big things. Like so many people, I didn’t realize how many parts of me were falling apart and leading to bigger health issues – and they are all “little things” I hear so many people comment upon weekly.

Before I got diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in 2011 and really started to revamp my health, “health things” would crop up but because they are so commonplace in our everyday culture, language and acceptance, I chalked them up to what gets added to your body’s health pile as you get older. But now I realize that uhh….hell to the no….this isn’t supposed to happen! Grey hair? Yes.  Wrinkles and laugh lines? Sure. A multitude of everyday problems? NO!

This week I wore earrings twice. Big deal you’re thinking. It actually is a very big deal. All my friends know me as an accessory addict – I love jewellery.  But I had got to a point that my ears would be on fire from wearing earrings for even a few minutes – didn’t matter what they were made of. When I had to wear some for modelling shoots, I would grin and bear it and rip them off as soon as possible.  So I haven’t worn earrings for years.

My body has been on high alert for so many years and it is just now starting to calm down. All the goodness I have been fueling it with by eating gluten-free and Paleo, taking the right supplements for my body, changing my household and beauty products to healthier versions is paying off.  Thinking about stressors in my life and keeping them to a minimum is making a difference – this covers everything from work to my social life to how I talk and think, making sure to meditate daily, getting enough sleep. I liken my body to a frightened cat thrown into freezing water that needs a loving, calm hand to pet it to calm it down, hug and cuddle it – let it know its safe.  My body is now realizing it is safe and in good hands.

So, aside from the multitude (the list is HUGE) of improvements from addressing Hashimoto’s, Endometriosis and Gluten Ataxia, here are some “little things” that have changed in my world that used to occur frequently and I had, like many of you perhaps, accepted as my daily norm. They are all now gone.

Seasonal Allergies – I used to be a mess every spring – stuffy nose, head and face aches, fogginess, overall feeling like crap.

Pet Allergies – I literally did not touch anyone’s pets for years and if I did and then touched my face, I would feel awful for days. Or, I would pet a dog and then have to immediately wash my hands. Having an adorable cat nuzzle my face or sit in my lap?  Forget it!

Reaction to Jewellery – My skin started to react to everything. I remember wearing a necklace in 2011 and having the imprint seared to my skin for a week (and it wasn’t a cheap one!) Earrings would cause my ears to turn beet red and I could never wear them for more than half an hour before having to rip them off.

Acid Reflux – I started taking antacids regularly – several times per week. I started to make up rules like “no orange juice past 4:00” or “no salsa around dinnertime” as it would literally keep me up all night with acid burning my throat. It could leave me coughing for days from the burning. I literally started to make “acid rules.” How crazy is that?

Constant Colds – I think it’s easier to say I was a walking cold versus trying to tell you how many I had in a year.  Before 2011, I remember being sick all the time – colds lingered for months. I would joke that I had wet lung because I literally would have a constant wheezing cough. Looking back, it really wasn’t something to joke about.  I have had the sniffles for exactly 2 days since 2011 and no colds, no flu.

Runny Nose – Growing up, I would joke with my family because I never had a runny or stuffy nose. I rarely needed tissue and would never bring any with me as I watched others stuff their pockets with them to have handy. As I got diagnosed, I realized my wastebaskets were constantly full of tissues and the amount had steadily increased over the years.  I was literally blowing my nose all the time. I was a snotty disaster. No more.

Frequent Weather Headaches – Any time there would be a big build-up to a thunderstorm, I would get blinding headaches – in-bed-in-the-dark-don’t-talk-to-anyone-eyes-welded-shut-I-am-going-to-vomit headaches. I would happily await a downpour as I knew this would help bring relief. I coined them “barometric pressure headaches.” I literally wanted someone to create a barometric pressure chamber to relieve me of the pain. I know so many people who have weather related headaches. Upon going gluten-free in 2011, my weather headaches vanished. Never had one since.

Anything sound familiar?  Anything sound like something you have accepted as part of your everyday life? I have realized something really important in my health journey…

An accepted norm doesn’t mean something is normal.

No more letting “little things” add up. Little things are always big things. Our bodies give us a million and one warning signs when they need help. It’s amazing but we pay more attention to blinking lights on our car dashboards alerting us to maintenance issues than similar warnings given to us by our bodies.  We get our cars into service shops as soon as possible so they don’t break down! Hmm….

Happy for the health homework that has brought me to today and for the tweaks that continue to improve my life.  Here is to cuddling with cute pets…in the spring…while wearing earrings, during bad weather – but not while eating salsa – that would be kinda awkward….and a little gross and probably messy…