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The Body Love Series: What Do You Want to Be When You’re Older?

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What do you want to be when you’re older?

A jockey.

You can’t. You’re too big.

What do you want to be when you’re older?

A ballerina.

You can’t. You’d be taller than all your male partners.

What do you want to be when you’re older?

I don’t know.

I flashed back to my childhood career aspirations the other day. I seemed to want to pursue professions that came with society-created body parameters. It occurred to me…how many times did we, as children, put ideas out there only to be told NO based on our size, our shape? Interestingly enough, my career found me when a model scout stopped me in a mall and asked me if I wanted to be a plus-size model – a career based on my size and height. I have spent my career celebrating that size and height and in turn work to break down barriers in fashion to embrace people of all sizes, shapes, backgrounds and abilities.

In wanting to be a jockey, I realize at almost six feet tall that my frame would considerably slow down a horse in a race. Fair enough. Probably would not come in first place. Ok, probably would come in last. But what if society didn’t tell me no?  What if I had pushed ahead based on all the aspects of this potential career I loved…where would I be?  I wanted to be around horses, I wanted to ride fast, I wanted to feel the wind whipping in my face. What if there was another outlet to achieve all of this without a flat out NO? How many doors were closed based on one aspect of a future possibility?

And maybe I never wanted a male dance partner.  Maybe that thought never occurred to me. Maybe I could have been the tall solo ballet dancer. Maybe my ballet dreams would have morphed into other forms of dance, other forms of artistic expression. What future events and experiences were closed off based on the one-track assumptions of a certain ballet teacher whose word I took as concrete truth?

Children are bombarded by info daily. Let’s always remember to explore their dreams with them – all aspects of them.  And let’s always aim to fling as many doors open as possible when the rest of the world is trying to slam them shut. Our bodies are capable of many things – at all sizes, shapes, heights and abilities. Let’s not put ceilings above those bodies where children don’t see them existing.

The Body Love Series: A Real Woman is Every Woman

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I have heard the term “real woman” for years.  As in, this woman is real, that woman is not. Who, exactly gets to decide this?

I have worked with many plus and straight size models for many years and we’d see each other regularly sometimes even weekly depending on our bookings and a lot of them were (and still are) sizes 2-4. They were healthy, happy, smart, incredible women.  We didn’t see size – we were all there to share fashion inspiration and do our job. I admired the models of various ages and sizes I got to work with over the years.

You can imagine my frustration when reporters would label me a “real woman” and ask me questions about the other models I worked with implying their smaller size made them less real than me. I remember one line of questioning in which the reporter asked if I wanted to see every runway showcasing real women like me – all a size 14. I can’t remember my exact quote but my answer went something like this:  “The women in my life – my friends, my family, are all different shapes and sizes. I want to see all shapes and sizes in fashion because that reflects what I see and know around me.  Putting all size 14s on the runway would be just as wrong as putting all size 0s on one, it doesn’t reflect reality. All my friends aren’t the same size as me.” I also remember the reporter really didn’t like my answer! Implying my smaller counterparts – women I greatly liked and admired – were not real drove me crazy. I have skinny family members, I have curvy family members and everything in between. I have friends that are a size 0 and friends that are a 24 and every size in between. When they see models that look like them in all shapes and sizes – and yes, there needs to be way more of this, THAT is real. Diversity is real. Seeing someone like them allows them to know how a garment will fit on their frame.

Lately there have been ahhmazing leaps & bounds made in fashion.  Campaigns are including a lot more diversity and more sizes and ages are being represented. Fashion bloggers of all shapes and sizes have pushed the industry with their creative images and fashion style. I recently spoke with a first year fashion class at Ryerson University and told them there have been more changes in plus-size fashion in the last 2 years than there have been in the last 20.   But the flip side of this positive wave of curvy acceptance, is the use of that dreaded “real woman” saying in all forms of media.  As in:

Finally, a real woman on the cover!

We are finally seeing real women in this magazine!

Thanks for putting a real woman in this campaign.

Real women only from now on please!

Does fashion still need to change? Absolutely.  There are still way too many models in one size range representing a lot of women who do not look like them.  But putting them down in order to celebrate another body type is not the answer. Including a variety of ages, sizes, backgrounds and abilities is the answer.  Getting designers and companies to create several sample sizes so various sized models can be used will help immensely. Fashion schools that are changing the way students think about and create fashion will make them the leaders of tomorrow that will create the diverse media we need to be seeing more of. Applauding companies for making change with social media comments, letters to the editor or sending in an email or letter makes change. I have seen it happen.

a-real-woman-is-every-woman-liis-windischmann

A real woman is every woman. Skinny?  She’s real. Curvy? She’s real? Slim? Real. Fat? Real. Tall. Short. Somewhere in between. Real. Whatever weight, whatever size, whatever age. Still real. Let’s keep pushing for change knowing we’re all real and we’re all beautiful.

The Body Love Series: Moments of Gratefulness

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“Little” moments of gratefulness or gratefuls as I like to call them, pop up in my day often.  It’s amazing how many tasks and everyday occurrences bring a smile to my face now. I often go about my day walking around with a mischievous, goofy grin on my face.  It tends to illicit intrigued looks from strangers. Their amusement further amuses me.

These “gratefuls” fill my cup when moments of frustration occur because my brain and body still aren’t properly connecting due to Gluten Ataxia and Hashimoto’s.  For instance, I just took a gentle stretch class for the first time today and it is low stress and very simple, yet I couldn’t do several of the most basic moves. There are many instances in which my brain tries to tell a body part to do something…and the messaging doesn’t make it to that part.  Today I stared at my hands and willed them to move a certain way and they wouldn’t. It is shocking to me when this occurs because as many times as it happens, it is surprising especially because the movement seems so simple. I used to get really frustrated but I take a step back now and think differently.  Today, I was thrilled to be able bodied enough to even be in this class and was grateful for all the messaging that was getting through. The “can do” basket is more full now than the “can’t do” one. That really works for me.

Here are some of my gratefuls this week for what my body allows me to do…

  1. Clearing snow off my car – I used to moan about this…then it became next to impossible to do…and I found myself longing for the days when I had the opportunity to do it. It would be the most exhausting chore and I couldn’t even lift my arms to get a brush onto the roof. Actually just walking to my car in the snow was exhausting! I would sleep all day, or several days to recover from this simple task. Last year when I had more energy, I cleared off my car…and then almost every car in the parking lot!  Although we haven’t had much snow this year, I have been clearing my car with a huge grin on my face yet again. Something everyone dreads and I can’t get enough of it!
  2. Being able to carry my groceries – It’s such a simple task most of us do every week but it’s taken a long time to get feeling and dexterity back into my hands and then the strength to carry items with them. I can pile more items in each bag because I can get them from my grocery cart to my car without almost passing out. Hell, I even carry groceries down the street again! BOOM!
  3. Geting lids off jars – I stopped buying certain foods because I didn’t have the strength to open them. (Nope,not even with that knife trick) Nothing like getting exhausted trying to make dinner. Gimme your jars – these hands are made of steel! (Insert happy jazz hands here)
  4. Walking down the street to do an errand – For a very long time I would have to stop to rest – sometimes 1-2 hours – on people’s lawns –  before being able to walk a few minutes home. I became the rotating neighbourhood lawn ornament! I thank every part of my body daily for allowing me to move, go to the store, mail a letter.  These tasks are all luxuries.
  5. Scooping up my nieces in huge hugs – They are growing like crazy but are still at the age where I can scoop them up into big bear hugs.  Or have them dance on my feet.  And I have the strength to do that again and it means everything.

So, if you are not happy with a particular body part, speak ill of it, curse it….think of all the actions it allows you to do.  List off 5 regular, everyday tasks it allows you to do.  And then I bet you can easily add many more. Doesn’t matter if it’s a little or a lot gushy, flabby, scarred, marked by time, bony, insert any other word here…. Thank your body and appreciate it.  See it. Love it. It’s really quite amazing and gives you gratefuls every day.