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I Climbed the Mountain & Reclaimed My 5K

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I’ve had a few days to reflect upon my Reclaim My 5K project – or race if you rather. I didn’t think I would go through so many emotions before, during and after one week of walking! I find the daily in’s and out’s of living with autoimmunity and gluten ataxia to be fascinating – on a mental, physical and spiritual level. Every time I think I can’t possibly reach another level of gratitude, of awe and wonder… and yes, frustration, I do.  Craziest roller coaster I have ever been on.

There is an amazing energy in reclaiming something that you feel has been taken away – not lost – taken away. I feel as though I have been staring up at the mountain I had planned to climb for several years and have been camped out at the base watching everyone else go up for a climb in the bright sunshine. Your brain never stopped wanting to climb. Your heart never stopped wanting to climb. Your soul never stopped wanting to climb. Your body just kept saying,”I still need to rest. Not ready yet.” And so you waited. And waited. And waited. And kept staring up that mountain. Day after day.

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

Rocking the KM’s with the help of GoodLife Fitness, Katie K Active (K1,3,5) & Reitmans (K2,4)

It felt really good to reclaim that mountain. I burst out crying several times leading up to Day 1. I just didn’t think I would ever get back to walking so far. I think if you saw me, you’d think I look perfectly normal, maybe even athletic. I felt alive on that first day and was in shock that I could have actually walked a little further. I felt like an athlete having the sponsorship of KatieK Active and Reitmans. Wearing their clothes made the physical aspect of simply walking slowly feel worthy and important. I felt valued as an athlete – regardless of my pace. Having them and GoodLife Fitness support me enthusiastically on this journey symbolically on a soul level meant…

You see me.

You see who I was.

You see who I am.

You see who I will be.

As each day went on, and I got another KM under my belt, something inside me was switching over from years of sitting in the energy of UNATTAINABLE  to the energy of ACCOMPLISHMENT. It was a monumental shift for me, a necessary shift. I realized how urgent it had be for me to make up a race, create this project and not wait for summer weather and an official race. It needed to be done NOW – in whatever form could happen NOW.

 

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

On the Reclaim My 5K finish line with Head Coach Momma Fran & my 1st place medal & trophy!

As the week went on, the support I received was incredible and I had tears reading comments from many people – some complete strangers. More than ever, it made me realize the importance of sharing our thoughts with each other, sending comments and encouragement to those we love and to those we have never met. This was so uplifting as I became completely exhausted during the week and my brain started shutting down. It’s like there is a pump and the more activity I do, the more it pumps the energy out of my brain. Legs need to work = brain loses power. This has been gradually improving thankfully.

I had sea legs every time I got off the treadmill and it would take several hours to calm my system down.  My gait went through several phases last week – I have to speak of them affectionately – the clomp, the little kid stomping through puddles, the wobble, the shuffle, the prancing horse. And just plain old herky-jerky. My dad always insisted it was a real expression, I begged to differ but have to agree, it describes my walking quite accurately now!

All unique.

All fascinating.

All aspects of me.

I got frustrated part way through the week because my brain started to slow down leading to complete brain fog, slurring of words and stuttering. It made putting up coherent posts on social media about the race quite challenging. I have agreed to do an important speech in June and I started to panic thinking simply walking for a few days may have jeopardized that. Being in uncharted health territory in which relapses have lasted for months,  sometimes the future unfolds like a mystery grab bag in which you don’t know what the contents are until you open it up.

I have to say though….Day 5 was sweet! Finishing what had eluded me for so long felt FANTASTIC. That 5th KM represented so much more than a physical accomplishment. It was a mental and spiritual victory after years of patience.  To have my mom there meant a lot. She has been with me every step of this journey hopping on airplanes with me trying to get a diagnosis and treatment, cheering me on when I would somehow get through live TV appearances and crumble after, and being right beside me on this roller coaster – for the exciting highs and the not-so-fun lows. My crew of cool babes Shelli, Lori-ann and my sister Cheryl rock for helping me all week – and always. My nieces and sister Karen sent along victory flowers and a card which made the end of the race even more special.

I pretty much stayed in bed all day after I finished and didn’t speak with anyone for 2 days. Or in Secret Op Code that I have with my friends to make light of the situation, I simply text: Going dark.  That means they know I need to decompress. I’m alive, but don’t call me because I can’t talk (because at some points, talking is as exhausting as movement). But here’s the magical part – the bounce back. My friends and family talked me through it…look how far you’ve come…look where you were this time last year…you’ll rebound faster this time…this will be a good test to see where you are after a few days of rest. They rock the party. Large. After several days of shuffling and walking into walls, I walked almost normally yesterday and even did a couple hours of shooting – IN HEELS!  (Wobbly, and standing in place, but in heels) Nice. Most importantly, my brain is sharp and focused today. Ideas are flowing. Creativity is firing. My brain and my body are acting as one. I see my June speech before me with no problems…but will make sure not to do a lot of walking leading up to it! And an all week Zumba marathon is not going to happen…

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

Race medal & trophy for Liis Your Feet Have Wings Windischmann

The trophy I bought myself reflects my feelings today. There is a running shoe with wings flying over a stopwatch. Time is not important. Speed is not important. My feet, my amazing, agile-in-whatever-form feet have wings to carry them and are flying over all of that. I am above that stopwatch running my own race. Running my way up that mountain. And it feels good.

To those of you on a similar journey…

I toast you for the slow and steady climb up whatever mountain has been eluding you.

I walk beside you on your journey of reclaiming a part of you that has been away for far too long.

I celebrate whatever stage you are at in restoring your health & happiness.

I honour your abilities whatever stage they are at.

I know your body is a masterpiece of beauty and perfection.

I’ve got this. You’ve got this. We’ve got this. Done. On to more mountains and adventures! #rockyourbody

 

 

 

 

 

It is Time to Reclaim My 5K!

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In 2011, I was rocking my workouts. I was on fire. I had just segued from twice weekly boot camp sessions to almost daily gym visits. I was really proud of myself for being the only woman in the history of the boot camp sessions to not participate in the monthly measurements and weigh-ins. For me, it was about feeling powerful, athletic. Killing my workouts was my goal. Altering my size was never my focus. I was on a mission to feel great and get moving. I still chuckle flashing back to having my hips measured for a modelling client who needed to fit a particular pair of pants on me. My hip measurement actually increased because my behind got so muscular – and curvy –  from all the glute work I had done and was now sitting higher. Nice. I was amused.

I grew to love jogging. Always athletic growing up, I loved various workouts over the years, adored sprints and day long bike rides, yet had dreaded jogging.  I do not exaggerate when I say I loathed it. But I kept hearing about this elusive runners’ high and decided to keep pushing through the dread to see if I could find it. And one day I did. And I was hooked. And jogging became thrilling and fun.

Although I excelled in running in my younger years, this didn’t seem to translate to jogging talent in 2011.  It would be quite accurate to say I started off jogging a 14 minute mile versus a 4 minute one…. Didn’t matter to me. I would challenge myself every gym visit to shave a few seconds off my time.  5 seconds? Amazing. 30? Happy dance + fist pumps and most likely some high fiving of complete strangers. What started off as initially struggling and gasping to make it through 5 minutes became a decent speed over 3 kms with me plotting how to keep improving my form, pace, distance and time. I melodically got lost in my own world and enjoyed every minute of it.

The only person I was competing with was me and my personal bests.

In the winter, I started scoping out 5K events for the fall. I started planning how to segue my indoor jogging to outdoor terrain once the weather got a little warmer. I was still mastering the flat surface of a treadmill – uneven surfaces, uphill terrain and bumpy, slushy snow would have to wait until further along in my “training.” The girl who couldn’t stand jogging was now plotting her first long distance race! I even fried the treadmill one day while doing an all out sprint.  I was secretly smirking when I saw the repair sign on it the next day.  Although I felt badly for putting a much needed machine out of commission, it put an extra spring in my step and was confirmation my race was going to happen.

But…

I didn’t see the signs that my health was going off course in early 2011. In fact, I hadn’t seen the steady stream of warnings that were being presented over the previous years either.  In the spring, I started to feel sluggish and breathless during my jogs and one day experienced vertigo. Let’s just say vertigo + jogging + a treadmill does not a good match make. I shook it off and went home. We do that – shake warnings off. We shouldn’t.

Then one day IT happened.

I didn’t realize on that day that my life was about to completely change.

I was about 5 minutes into my jog when my body shut down and the world started to move in slow motion. I literally just stopped jogging and flew off the end of the treadmill into the wall. All my limbs just ceased to know what to do. I made a fairly graceful recovery amidst the smirks around me.  I walked right out of the gym heading home in a haze. I tried to reason with myself that maybe I didn’t eat enough protein that day…

The 5 minute walk home took over an hour. I collapsed on a curb unable to move. I willed someone to walk by. Nobody was on the street. Not one car passed. I sat there motionless in the pelting rain waiting to regain my energy.  I could not move an inch.  Walking the last 200 or so metres seemed like forever. I made it into my kitchen on my hands and knees and crawled up the stairs.

I’ll be fine.

Maybe I should work out in the afternoons instead?

I’ll go to the doctor soon.

It’s amazing what you reason with yourself in the moment. When you body is screaming out for help, has given you a million and one signs and you still aren’t cluing in.  In that moment, I did not realize…

That all plans to do my 5K race just fell off that treadmill.

That parts of me just fell off that treadmill.

That my abilities up until that day were more amazing than I even knew.

What I thought would be a quick recovery turned into an over 4 year soul journey as my health took me to levels of pain and frustration and depths of understanding and appreciation I didn’t know possible. I bartered with my body and brain daily for snippets of movement and activity. Some days my bartering worked and many it didn’t. Through the roller coaster ride of  having abilities, losing them, regaining them repeatedly over days, months and years, I would often wonder, “If I can’t even walk properly, will I ever be able to jog again?” More than anything these last few years, my health journey with Hashimoto’s, endometriosis and gluten ataxia has instilled in me a sense of body love and admiration that is off the charts – no matter what ability level my body is at. As long as my brain works, I can accomplish anything in this world.

There are many times over the last few years that I have thought of my 5K and thought it unattainable, thought I would never get my health back to even think about doing it. It was a carrot dangling in front of me I was never able to reach. And last month it hit me. I am going to do it. I may not do it the way I set out to do in 2011…

But I’m going to do it a new way.

Who says I have to jog?  Who says I even have to do it all at once?  Who says I have to keep waiting for a future day that may keep stretching into forever? I have decided to reinvent my race, make it what I can do, make it something attainable and not something always in the future. Make it fun. Pat myself on the back. Celebrate what I can do today – not a year or five down the road.

Do it now.

Reclaim My 5K - Liis Windischmann

You know the term ‘back in the saddle?’ Well, back on the treadmill! And this time I refuse to fly into a wall.  I am not sure when I will be able to walk 5K let alone jog it.  But I am quite certain I can rock walking 1K…5 times!  I have yet to walk 1K since 2011….but I have been working up to it…and I have faith. It’s been really cold outside but words can’t express how joy-filled my daily walking has been.  I need to do this for me. I need to prove to myself that I can reinvent my starting line, reinvent my race.

I NEED TO RECLAIM MY 5K!

I plan to walk 1K per day – on a treadmill – over five days starting Monday March 9th through to Friday March 13th. I am honoured that body positive GoodLife Fitness  has agreed to sponsor my race!  With a mantra of Training for Every Body, this is my kind of gym.  Also supporting me on my race is Katie K Active and Reitmans.  Love both these companies for creating athletic clothing from straight sizing through to plus sizes because everybody and every body deserves to feel great while reaching their fitness goals.

I hope you will join me this week on my race.  There have been so many times I thought I would need a wheelchair or walker for my gluten ataxia, planned my days out in the steps needed to get from point A to B. A couple months ago as I was starting physiotherapy, I didn’t think walking 1K would be remotely possible.  But I keep inching closer to goals and I am honoured where my legs take me, honoured for where my brain is allowing my limbs to go.  I need to do this for me. But I also want to do this for all the amazing individuals whom I have met or encountered who have had a health event stop them dead in their tracks too…have made them feel like a their goals were now out of reach.  We all need to know we can recreate our race, whatever that race may be.

And one last note…when I first decided to do this, I had no idea this project would fall into Brain Awareness Week. What amazing timing and beautiful energy during my race…

Let’s do this!

Please join me on the race route on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter!

#ReclaimMy5K   #rockyourbody