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Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine

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The last few years have been seriously filled with a million and one utterly beautiful life lessons. I appreciate them with every fiber of my being. And then some. And then more. I have learned so much about myself, the world and my place in it. While going through and earning my PHD – Personal Health Discoveries – I got down to what really matters on every level. I really could not have asked for better schooling to appreciate this world in every minute detail. But here is the thing…like any serious studying with an incredible reward at the end of the tunnel, there has been little to no fun in the process. Zilch. No laughter. No belly laughs. Lots of pulling hair out wondering when it would all finally be over. (Ok…and with Hashimoto’s, it just kinda fell out on its own…) Let’s be frank here, with as much beauty as I have found and discovered in the pain and frustration of autoimmunity, there were vast swatches of sheer and utter suckage. No laughter. Lots of suckage. And I have become determined to bring the funny back. I NEED to bring the funny back.

I  made a pact to have copious amounts of belly laughs this year. Like rolling on the floor, tears pouring down my face, grasping my stomach, practically peeing my pants, stop-I-can’t-breathe kind of belly laughs.  There has been so much tension – physically, mentally….on a soul level. I needed a comic release. Having taken tons of improv classes over the years and even stand-up, I yearned for the weekly hilarity of the classes I used to take, the crazy, brilliant, quick minded individuals I used to improv with at Second City. In the pain, I forgot how to be funny. In the pain, it was hard to laugh. In the pain, it was tons of work trying to move away from the pain. With a broken and foggy brain from Gluten Ataxia and Hashimoto’s, thoughts were not firing the way they were supposed to if they were firing at all. If my legs and arms didn’t know where to go, neither did any glimmers of humour. My funny bone was seriously broken.

This year I have decided to bring on the goofy.  Bring back stupidity. Bring on the fun. Laugh until I cry. Text my friends ridiculous inside jokes. Have funny banter with strangers. Earlier this year, I took a drop-in improv class. After a few simple hilarious warm-up games, my brain was fried. The room was spinning. My body was protesting and was in a lot of pain. It was like a physiotherapy session with tons of hand to eye coordination needed with clapping and memory games. But glimmers of funny came out from hiding. “We’re still here! We’re still here!” I freakin’ loved it. My body and brain may have protested over the next couple of days but my soul determined we were completely on track.

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This was taken on International Ataxia Awareness Day, September 25, 2016, as I tried to leap in the air. It still makes me laugh. Not only was I thrilled to be jumping which has eluded me for years, to be goofy at the same time proves my mind, body, soul and funny bone are all hanging out in the same room again!

I decided on my birthday in May that I needed to bring in the upcoming year with humour. I believe in setting our intentions for the upcoming year on our birthdays. I took another drop-in improv class.  (And umm….I skipped my nieces’ school recital. Yes, I did. I r-e-a-l-l-y needed to get my humour order in….) Best. Idea. Ever. (Sorry nieces. Love you!) The room was still spinning and if you were to see me try to clap you would crack up.  I figured I could make my drunk-like ataxia actions into a fairly hilarious character. Work with watcha got…

I’ve done some more drop-ins and am taking a public speaking course at Second City. And it IS my physiotherapy. It IS rewiring my brain bringing back the funny. It is helping me tell painful aspects of my story with light and humour. It is recharging my spirit. And I have been laughing my ass off as my fellow classmates share their stories, their jokes, their humour, as we share our collective vulnerability whether we present something serious or light hearted. It is a joy trying out new ways of expressing myself outside the confines of my “PHD.”

I can now flash to several times over the last few months in which I have had deep belly laughs. How many times I have had tears pouring down my cheeks dying over something with a friend. Laughter really is the best medicine and a medicine that we need regularly. I aim to embarrass my nieces with my goofiness in public while teaching them that we must honour all aspects of our personalities.  There is a time for seriousness….but having been stuck in seriousness for several years, I really need to honour fun. Laughter. Goofiness. Our souls need it. My soul needs it.

 

 

 

Welcome to The Body Love Series: Time to Start a Body Love Conversation!

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Something happened when my body completely fell apart.

I ended up loving it even more than I thought possible.

And the more grateful I became, the more I started to stare at my newly working body parts in awe and wonder and thanked them regularly for the gifts they gave me. My eyes and ears became even more in tune to all the negative body image hype sent our way, all the messages blaring through headlines and TV and articles and ads telling me what wasn’t good enough, what needed fixing, what needed replacing.  What needed to be traded in or cast aside.

The energy felt so…wrong.

After several years of not being able to move much and when I could not very well, I really appreciate when my not-so-toned body helps me walk down the street to the grocery store, when my imperfect belly helps me get up out of a chair, when my kinda squishy arms allow me to hug someone. Having not been able to communicate properly with various combinations of slurring and stuttering and forgetting what I was going to say, I feel as though I have several years of speaking to catch up upon!  I say this literally – not figuratively – I want to climb to the top of a mountain and shout to everyone…

YOUR BODY ROCKS!

RIGHT HERE!

RIGHT NOW!

Body image issues have always been important to me. I have had the honour and privilege of being a plus-size/curvy model for over 20 years while working to make changes in fashion that count everyBODY in, and I have been speaking with girls’ groups for years helping them rethink how they think about the messages that bombard them daily.  And the longer my health time-out lasted with Hashimoto’s & Gluten Ataxia, the more it increased my want to speak up more about our need to stop being so hard on ourselves.

You know what really got me?  All those Before & After photos out there in which  people put themselves down. When I could barely move or walk I would stare at them and think how we have been taught to shame the person, the body, that brought us to today.  I wanted to hug all the “Befores” and tell them,” You are amazing. You carried this person all this way. You loved her. You protected her. You did the best you could. Ok, you may have made some mistakes but we all do.  Even the “Afters” do! You are a superstar and I admire you….throughout time, throughout phases and stages. You are you always and you are amazing. ”

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Can we all use some tune-ups?  Absolutely. Is tweaking aspects of your life a good thing? Yes, it totally is!  Are major changes sometimes necessary? For sure. Is eating well a good idea? Hells yes. Should we get active? Yes!  But the key is making changes from a place of body love – not disgust, not shame – not by putting ourselves down. My motto is this:  We need to speak to ourselves, to our bodies like we would a small child. Build it up with love and kindness. Smiles. Laughter. Joy. Isn’t life way more fun that way?

So technically I still can’t climb a mountain…or even many stairs (you can bet I am working on it) in order to shout YOUR BODY ROCKS! But I can create a Body Love Conversation with you here…on my website…on social media…in the press…and would love for you to join in on the #BLC (that’s the cool hashtag you can use to join the convo!)

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Join me for regular Mantra Mondays posts – the link will always be on my homepage – or sign up for my newsletter at the top of this page to get regular Body Love Blasts sent your way. Check out my Instagram & Facebook for a regular dose of Body Love. And I am excited to start speaking with you regularly on Periscope too! I am particularly excited about #BLC Wednesdays Twitter Convos which will feature incredible Body Love guest hosts which will take place on my @liisonlife Twitter page Wednesday February 17th, March 2, 16 and 30th. My inspiring guests will include beauty expert Janine Falcon (@JanineFalcon) of beautygeeks (catch her on the first chat),  athlete and founder of Born to Reign Athletics (@btrathletics) Krista Henderson, Editor-in-chief of DARE magazine (@daremagcanada), Diana Di Poce, and Meghan Bradley, Director of Curvy Expo (@curvyexpo). Will be sure to keep you up to date on all the details as the series unfolds! (No RSVP required!)

I am really looking forward to chatting with you through The Body Love Series. Together we can change the #BLC.

Liis xo!

 

 

 

The Body Love Series: There Is No “Small” Accomplishment

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February 1, 2016 was a ridiculously awesome day.

I did one push-up.

Let’s back this up shall we…

I used to be an avid  bootcamper. Lunges. Squats. Ab work from hell. And tons of push-ups. Lots and lots of push-ups.  I remember being on a shoot in 2009 and the make-up artist was adding some lotion to my legs.  They were rock solid. So were my arms and well, my butt. I was curvy but solid. She flipped out. She had never met a model with such muscle. I was quite proud because for me I didn’t do those sessions to lose weight, to change my size, to have a ripped body. I did those classes because I felt great, because I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone, because they made me feel strong – mentally and physically.

I left every class in an exhausted, steamy haze of sweat – and I loved it! And here is the funny thing…every single person in my class did regular weigh-ins and measurement checks. I didn’t. (I was told I was the only woman in the history of the class not to!)  Those numbers weren’t fuelling me. My newfound strength and sense of accomplishment were fuelling me. As a model, I did have to take my measurements here and there in order to provide that information to clients needing to book a particular size but I never let this define me. One day I had to take my hip measurement for a clothing client that needed to know if a sample pair of pants would fit me….and I realized my hip size had increased…due to my behind becoming more defined from lunges! I thought it was hilarious that I was the only woman in the class loving the fact that her hip measurement  got b-i-g-g-e-r instead of smaller. It still amuses me.

When my workouts started to become impossible in 2011 due to Hashimoto’s, one of the first major difficulties I had was arm strength. I went from being able to crank out push-ups to feeling like my arms were jello. My push-ups left the building in 2011 and it has taken many years to get mobility, feeling and strength from my elbows down through my hands. I have been trying – weekly – to get my push-ups back.

I was in Venice Beach in LA in 2012 and was frustrated and pissed off I could no longer do a push-up. I had no idea at the time that Gluten Ataxia was attacking the messaging from my brain to my body parts, no idea that my system was going to shut down in a way I could not even fathom. I remember telling my friend Shelli that I just wanted to be able to do one. Just one. And she said,”Let’s do some. Right here. Right now. Your body needs help remembering how to do it.” And she practically lifted me in and out of 3 of them. Okay….she DID lift me in and out of 3 of them!  But I was so happy. It felt good. I love this photo because it is sheer triumph and joy, messy hair and all!

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Since then I have kept trying to get strength back and there have been so many tears of sheer determination shed and also many of sheer frustration. The one form of movement that I have been able to make work in my world has been mat Pilates which I have been taking Monday nights for as long as I can remember with my amazing and supportive teacher Svetlana. I had developed so much strength and so many skills over the years and I lost them all in the last few years and instead of starting from scratch, I started at a level way below where I had been years earlier.  She has seen me through so many stages! After my physiotherapy with Neuro-fit Systems in late 2014, I thought my arms were finally starting to get the messaging from my brain to M-O-V-E. Since January 2015 after returning from 3 months of physio, I have tried to do a push-up (with my knees on the ground)  at every Monday class and regularly at home. I celebrated a little bend of my arm. It took me almost an entire year to bend all the way down before collapsing.

I thanked my teacher before the 2015 Christmas holidays and I told her I was going to get my push-up back in 2016. And I warned her that when it happened, I may just yell in class and was apologizing ahead of time for the disturbance to the zen. She told me she expected and looked forward to me celebrating.

And last night, I got my push-up back.

(No, not a proper military one – no need to be cocky right now!)

I really wasn’t expecting it.

It was a gift out of the blue…

…6 years in the making!

I tried to be quiet. I really did. But 6 years of pent up frustration and joy and wonder and gratitude came spilling out and I think I did some form of a yelping victory shout just as Svetlana was watching me come out of the push-up. She knew what was happening and was grinning before I uttered a sound. My classmates all threw me loving words of congratulations. And then I went into child’s pose and wept and wept and slimed my mat with joyous tears. The rest of the class was a blur – literally – I kept crying and couldn’t see anything!

And something so “little” is so life changing. So empowering. Such a stunning, gorgeous gift to receive. Doing one push-up is quite easily one of my life’s greatest accomplishments.  Who knew one little action could mean so much?

I find it amazing as I am launching my Body Love Series, that I get this amazing gift.

So, when there is talk about weight and size and jumping on scales and counting calories and BMI this or that….I just want to say….who cares? I just did my first push-up in 6 years. My body is perfect. And so is yours. Ridiculously, amazingly perfect. No number on a scale, no size on the back of a bathing suit could ever be sweeter to me than my one push-up.  Can we change diet talk to accomplishment talk please?

Looking forward to having you join The Body Love Conversation and sharing your ideas, thoughts and journey.  Use the hashtag #BLC so we can all hear what you want to share.

So I Did A TEDx Talk…

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I love TED and TEDx talks. Ever since I first discovered them I was hooked and in the back on my mind I thought,”I want to do one of those one day.” I’ve been able to see people I admire speak about their lives and experiences or been introduced to individuals I had never heard of before but after their talks had me madly Googling them to find out more.The first one I viewed will always resonate with me and I have watched it countless times – Aimee Mullins: It’s not fair having 12 pairs of legs.  Aimee is so incredible on so many levels and I love speaking of her, sharing her images and her point of view with children when we talk about body image and self-esteem. Amanda Palmer: The Art of Asking is so brilliantly delivered that it upped the game for every presentation I saw after. I was completely smitten by Ron Finely’s A Guerilla Gardener in South Central LA talk. Have watched it numerous times and it is powerful yet amusing. You have to catch Brene Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability. And one that deeply touched my soul and had me tearing up was Monica Lewinsky: The price of shame.  Incredible. I tried to hug her through the computer.

I put it out to the universe that I wanted to do a TEDx talk by the end of 2015…and then I got an email in February…asking me to do a TEDx talk. I almost fell off my chair.  (I need to keep manifesting!) I was invited by Craig Zimmer, an incredible teacher,  who has been sharing his passion for TED talks with his students, school – and the entire school board –  through the TEDxStMaryCSS event and the TEDEdClub. I love that he is encouraging the next generation to speak up with confidence! I figured I had until June 5, the date of the event, to get my body and brain working better together while healing from gluten ataxia.  Lots of time I thought.  After many revisions, I decided to entitle my talk An Exploration of Identity and take the audience through the journey I had been on that had opened my eyes to so many lessons. I thought I was doing well as the date was approaching…even if my walking was still not up to par, my brain seemed to be working better. I just needed my brain and my mouth to work on that stage for less than 2o minutes and all would be fine.

However, the more I spoke aloud and practiced, the more scrambled my brain got. My brain is still building up its motor skills and connections and speaking was taking me down. Leading up to the talk, I was slurring my words, stuttering, flipping words in sentences and was unable to remember anything that was not in chronological order.  My head hurt in a way it had never hurt before – not a headache….like someone who was injuring herself by repeating an action.  I was sobbing in my friend Shelli’s arms in my kitchen 2 days before my talk. Not only did I not think I would physically be able to do it, I questioned if I would ever be able to give a talk or work on TV ever again.  I explained to my friend that it felt like a runner trying to complete a marathon on a broken leg in a cast – could it be possible? Yes. Would it lead to long term injury? Probably. Would it be a very good idea? No. It must be noted that Shelli is a complete and utter rock star and has literally hugged my soul daily throughout this journey.

With fellow TEDx speakers Ashley Rose & Simone Denny.

With fellow TEDx speakers Ashley Rose & Simone Denny.

I asked if I could speak at the event first and meticulously planned what I ate that morning and when, when I meditated and drove there in silence. Eating with precise timing helped stave off severe blood sugar issues which would also lead to severe brain fog, stuttering and slurring. Knowing I could speak first meant I knew my food would help keep my brain operating and I would not have to worry about how the day’s timing unfolded. I wouldn’t have to worry about how much I spoke with others or how much I walked because both would take up a lot of energy needed for the talk. I did anything and everything to calm down my brain. And I made the executive decision to eliminate all slides. It may sound simple to talk while clicking the remote in order to pull up a few pictures but for me that seemed the equivalent of running backwards while patting my head and rubbing my belly while trying to tell a joke. I asked if I could put up a few bullet points on the prompter instead. I could. I exhaled. Salvation.

I am really proud of my TEDx talk – for standing up there and simply speaking. I climbed a mountain to get there and presenting it was a sweet-as-all-hell gift. It didn’t matter to me if I was standing or sitting – I just wanted to speak. I literally spent all summer after that looking into getting a scooter wheelchair because I just kept getting utterly exhausted – and I realized that being able to speak meant more to me than walking everywhere.  Every day became a day of bartering with my motor skills. Ok, you want to use this motor skill?  You’ve got to give up these ones for the rest of the day. You want to use several motor skills today?  You will need to nap for the rest of the week… I wanted my energy….to speak…to be me…to express myself to the world, share my thoughts and ideas – and I did not care anymore if I was standing or sitting. Where once I was completely gutted by the thought of sitting in a scooter, I started to get really excited. I could feel the wind whipping through my hair on the path by the beach and pictured myself buzzing around airports going places. I looked up rentals at The Louvre and figured I would have an advantage and actually see way more incredible art on a scooter! THAT got me really excited. And I was introduced to the magic of an electric bike which further opened up my world of possibilities. If it could conserve my energy to be able to speak and communicate and socialize more, and enjoy more moments,  it would be worth it to sit more often.  I realized even more so how much I truly loved and valued my brain and the thoughts in it and the expression my lips could convey to the world.

What a hell of a way to truly know body love and to appreciate every single day on this planet!  I continuously tweak my “health homework” and made some more health changes at the end of the summer that have helped turn my energy levels around.  Every day has been a gift in more mobility, increased energy, better brain function and creativity. I know healing will be an ongoing process for quite some time but I am overjoyed with the changes and revel in walking a little longer as each month passes. I am so beyond honoured to have been able to present this talk and now know that my desire to get out there and do more talks is possible. Bring. It. On. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch my TEDx talk. Every view means more to me than I could ever convey. And please…

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Love yourself more.

Hug your soul more.

Tell your body it is amazing regularly.

Stare at your body parts in wonder.

Stop stepping on a scale every day.

Don’t worry about what size you are.

Thank your body for its magnificence.

Know that you are ridiculously amazing throughout all time and space.

You are utterly perfect – never forget it.

Liis xo

 

 

 

 

 

I Climbed the Mountain & Reclaimed My 5K

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I’ve had a few days to reflect upon my Reclaim My 5K project – or race if you rather. I didn’t think I would go through so many emotions before, during and after one week of walking! I find the daily in’s and out’s of living with autoimmunity and gluten ataxia to be fascinating – on a mental, physical and spiritual level. Every time I think I can’t possibly reach another level of gratitude, of awe and wonder… and yes, frustration, I do.  Craziest roller coaster I have ever been on.

There is an amazing energy in reclaiming something that you feel has been taken away – not lost – taken away. I feel as though I have been staring up at the mountain I had planned to climb for several years and have been camped out at the base watching everyone else go up for a climb in the bright sunshine. Your brain never stopped wanting to climb. Your heart never stopped wanting to climb. Your soul never stopped wanting to climb. Your body just kept saying,”I still need to rest. Not ready yet.” And so you waited. And waited. And waited. And kept staring up that mountain. Day after day.

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

Rocking the KM’s with the help of GoodLife Fitness, Katie K Active (K1,3,5) & Reitmans (K2,4)

It felt really good to reclaim that mountain. I burst out crying several times leading up to Day 1. I just didn’t think I would ever get back to walking so far. I think if you saw me, you’d think I look perfectly normal, maybe even athletic. I felt alive on that first day and was in shock that I could have actually walked a little further. I felt like an athlete having the sponsorship of KatieK Active and Reitmans. Wearing their clothes made the physical aspect of simply walking slowly feel worthy and important. I felt valued as an athlete – regardless of my pace. Having them and GoodLife Fitness support me enthusiastically on this journey symbolically on a soul level meant…

You see me.

You see who I was.

You see who I am.

You see who I will be.

As each day went on, and I got another KM under my belt, something inside me was switching over from years of sitting in the energy of UNATTAINABLE  to the energy of ACCOMPLISHMENT. It was a monumental shift for me, a necessary shift. I realized how urgent it had be for me to make up a race, create this project and not wait for summer weather and an official race. It needed to be done NOW – in whatever form could happen NOW.

 

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

On the Reclaim My 5K finish line with Head Coach Momma Fran & my 1st place medal & trophy!

As the week went on, the support I received was incredible and I had tears reading comments from many people – some complete strangers. More than ever, it made me realize the importance of sharing our thoughts with each other, sending comments and encouragement to those we love and to those we have never met. This was so uplifting as I became completely exhausted during the week and my brain started shutting down. It’s like there is a pump and the more activity I do, the more it pumps the energy out of my brain. Legs need to work = brain loses power. This has been gradually improving thankfully.

I had sea legs every time I got off the treadmill and it would take several hours to calm my system down.  My gait went through several phases last week – I have to speak of them affectionately – the clomp, the little kid stomping through puddles, the wobble, the shuffle, the prancing horse. And just plain old herky-jerky. My dad always insisted it was a real expression, I begged to differ but have to agree, it describes my walking quite accurately now!

All unique.

All fascinating.

All aspects of me.

I got frustrated part way through the week because my brain started to slow down leading to complete brain fog, slurring of words and stuttering. It made putting up coherent posts on social media about the race quite challenging. I have agreed to do an important speech in June and I started to panic thinking simply walking for a few days may have jeopardized that. Being in uncharted health territory in which relapses have lasted for months,  sometimes the future unfolds like a mystery grab bag in which you don’t know what the contents are until you open it up.

I have to say though….Day 5 was sweet! Finishing what had eluded me for so long felt FANTASTIC. That 5th KM represented so much more than a physical accomplishment. It was a mental and spiritual victory after years of patience.  To have my mom there meant a lot. She has been with me every step of this journey hopping on airplanes with me trying to get a diagnosis and treatment, cheering me on when I would somehow get through live TV appearances and crumble after, and being right beside me on this roller coaster – for the exciting highs and the not-so-fun lows. My crew of cool babes Shelli, Lori-ann and my sister Cheryl rock for helping me all week – and always. My nieces and sister Karen sent along victory flowers and a card which made the end of the race even more special.

I pretty much stayed in bed all day after I finished and didn’t speak with anyone for 2 days. Or in Secret Op Code that I have with my friends to make light of the situation, I simply text: Going dark.  That means they know I need to decompress. I’m alive, but don’t call me because I can’t talk (because at some points, talking is as exhausting as movement). But here’s the magical part – the bounce back. My friends and family talked me through it…look how far you’ve come…look where you were this time last year…you’ll rebound faster this time…this will be a good test to see where you are after a few days of rest. They rock the party. Large. After several days of shuffling and walking into walls, I walked almost normally yesterday and even did a couple hours of shooting – IN HEELS!  (Wobbly, and standing in place, but in heels) Nice. Most importantly, my brain is sharp and focused today. Ideas are flowing. Creativity is firing. My brain and my body are acting as one. I see my June speech before me with no problems…but will make sure not to do a lot of walking leading up to it! And an all week Zumba marathon is not going to happen…

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

Race medal & trophy for Liis Your Feet Have Wings Windischmann

The trophy I bought myself reflects my feelings today. There is a running shoe with wings flying over a stopwatch. Time is not important. Speed is not important. My feet, my amazing, agile-in-whatever-form feet have wings to carry them and are flying over all of that. I am above that stopwatch running my own race. Running my way up that mountain. And it feels good.

To those of you on a similar journey…

I toast you for the slow and steady climb up whatever mountain has been eluding you.

I walk beside you on your journey of reclaiming a part of you that has been away for far too long.

I celebrate whatever stage you are at in restoring your health & happiness.

I honour your abilities whatever stage they are at.

I know your body is a masterpiece of beauty and perfection.

I’ve got this. You’ve got this. We’ve got this. Done. On to more mountains and adventures! #rockyourbody

 

 

 

 

 

It is Time to Reclaim My 5K!

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In 2011, I was rocking my workouts. I was on fire. I had just segued from twice weekly boot camp sessions to almost daily gym visits. I was really proud of myself for being the only woman in the history of the boot camp sessions to not participate in the monthly measurements and weigh-ins. For me, it was about feeling powerful, athletic. Killing my workouts was my goal. Altering my size was never my focus. I was on a mission to feel great and get moving. I still chuckle flashing back to having my hips measured for a modelling client who needed to fit a particular pair of pants on me. My hip measurement actually increased because my behind got so muscular – and curvy –  from all the glute work I had done and was now sitting higher. Nice. I was amused.

I grew to love jogging. Always athletic growing up, I loved various workouts over the years, adored sprints and day long bike rides, yet had dreaded jogging.  I do not exaggerate when I say I loathed it. But I kept hearing about this elusive runners’ high and decided to keep pushing through the dread to see if I could find it. And one day I did. And I was hooked. And jogging became thrilling and fun.

Although I excelled in running in my younger years, this didn’t seem to translate to jogging talent in 2011.  It would be quite accurate to say I started off jogging a 14 minute mile versus a 4 minute one…. Didn’t matter to me. I would challenge myself every gym visit to shave a few seconds off my time.  5 seconds? Amazing. 30? Happy dance + fist pumps and most likely some high fiving of complete strangers. What started off as initially struggling and gasping to make it through 5 minutes became a decent speed over 3 kms with me plotting how to keep improving my form, pace, distance and time. I melodically got lost in my own world and enjoyed every minute of it.

The only person I was competing with was me and my personal bests.

In the winter, I started scoping out 5K events for the fall. I started planning how to segue my indoor jogging to outdoor terrain once the weather got a little warmer. I was still mastering the flat surface of a treadmill – uneven surfaces, uphill terrain and bumpy, slushy snow would have to wait until further along in my “training.” The girl who couldn’t stand jogging was now plotting her first long distance race! I even fried the treadmill one day while doing an all out sprint.  I was secretly smirking when I saw the repair sign on it the next day.  Although I felt badly for putting a much needed machine out of commission, it put an extra spring in my step and was confirmation my race was going to happen.

But…

I didn’t see the signs that my health was going off course in early 2011. In fact, I hadn’t seen the steady stream of warnings that were being presented over the previous years either.  In the spring, I started to feel sluggish and breathless during my jogs and one day experienced vertigo. Let’s just say vertigo + jogging + a treadmill does not a good match make. I shook it off and went home. We do that – shake warnings off. We shouldn’t.

Then one day IT happened.

I didn’t realize on that day that my life was about to completely change.

I was about 5 minutes into my jog when my body shut down and the world started to move in slow motion. I literally just stopped jogging and flew off the end of the treadmill into the wall. All my limbs just ceased to know what to do. I made a fairly graceful recovery amidst the smirks around me.  I walked right out of the gym heading home in a haze. I tried to reason with myself that maybe I didn’t eat enough protein that day…

The 5 minute walk home took over an hour. I collapsed on a curb unable to move. I willed someone to walk by. Nobody was on the street. Not one car passed. I sat there motionless in the pelting rain waiting to regain my energy.  I could not move an inch.  Walking the last 200 or so metres seemed like forever. I made it into my kitchen on my hands and knees and crawled up the stairs.

I’ll be fine.

Maybe I should work out in the afternoons instead?

I’ll go to the doctor soon.

It’s amazing what you reason with yourself in the moment. When you body is screaming out for help, has given you a million and one signs and you still aren’t cluing in.  In that moment, I did not realize…

That all plans to do my 5K race just fell off that treadmill.

That parts of me just fell off that treadmill.

That my abilities up until that day were more amazing than I even knew.

What I thought would be a quick recovery turned into an over 4 year soul journey as my health took me to levels of pain and frustration and depths of understanding and appreciation I didn’t know possible. I bartered with my body and brain daily for snippets of movement and activity. Some days my bartering worked and many it didn’t. Through the roller coaster ride of  having abilities, losing them, regaining them repeatedly over days, months and years, I would often wonder, “If I can’t even walk properly, will I ever be able to jog again?” More than anything these last few years, my health journey with Hashimoto’s, endometriosis and gluten ataxia has instilled in me a sense of body love and admiration that is off the charts – no matter what ability level my body is at. As long as my brain works, I can accomplish anything in this world.

There are many times over the last few years that I have thought of my 5K and thought it unattainable, thought I would never get my health back to even think about doing it. It was a carrot dangling in front of me I was never able to reach. And last month it hit me. I am going to do it. I may not do it the way I set out to do in 2011…

But I’m going to do it a new way.

Who says I have to jog?  Who says I even have to do it all at once?  Who says I have to keep waiting for a future day that may keep stretching into forever? I have decided to reinvent my race, make it what I can do, make it something attainable and not something always in the future. Make it fun. Pat myself on the back. Celebrate what I can do today – not a year or five down the road.

Do it now.

Reclaim My 5K - Liis Windischmann

You know the term ‘back in the saddle?’ Well, back on the treadmill! And this time I refuse to fly into a wall.  I am not sure when I will be able to walk 5K let alone jog it.  But I am quite certain I can rock walking 1K…5 times!  I have yet to walk 1K since 2011….but I have been working up to it…and I have faith. It’s been really cold outside but words can’t express how joy-filled my daily walking has been.  I need to do this for me. I need to prove to myself that I can reinvent my starting line, reinvent my race.

I NEED TO RECLAIM MY 5K!

I plan to walk 1K per day – on a treadmill – over five days starting Monday March 9th through to Friday March 13th. I am honoured that body positive GoodLife Fitness  has agreed to sponsor my race!  With a mantra of Training for Every Body, this is my kind of gym.  Also supporting me on my race is Katie K Active and Reitmans.  Love both these companies for creating athletic clothing from straight sizing through to plus sizes because everybody and every body deserves to feel great while reaching their fitness goals.

I hope you will join me this week on my race.  There have been so many times I thought I would need a wheelchair or walker for my gluten ataxia, planned my days out in the steps needed to get from point A to B. A couple months ago as I was starting physiotherapy, I didn’t think walking 1K would be remotely possible.  But I keep inching closer to goals and I am honoured where my legs take me, honoured for where my brain is allowing my limbs to go.  I need to do this for me. But I also want to do this for all the amazing individuals whom I have met or encountered who have had a health event stop them dead in their tracks too…have made them feel like a their goals were now out of reach.  We all need to know we can recreate our race, whatever that race may be.

And one last note…when I first decided to do this, I had no idea this project would fall into Brain Awareness Week. What amazing timing and beautiful energy during my race…

Let’s do this!

Please join me on the race route on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter!

#ReclaimMy5K   #rockyourbody

 

Welcome to a New Liis on Life!

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Thank you so much for visiting Liis on Life! I am so happy to share this space with you and am looking forward to connecting often. Yes, this website is a play on my name… but it really does reflect a new energy for me, a new direction, a new purpose in life. If we are meeting here for the first time then a big hello to you!  And if some of you know me through my over 20 years in the fashion industry, I am happy to connect with you again.

Sometimes you blissfully walk through life thinking your future is going in one direction then all of a sudden a giant hand swoops down and declares, “Change of course! You are now going this way!” You find yourself on a completely different path, one you never envisioned or chose.  You protest, you reflect, you rage, and then a moment of calm clarity comes about and you realize the universe chose your experiences for a reason, that you attracted in your experiences for a reason – or a million – a million really, really important ones.  And you realize all your experiences are meant to be shared in order to help someone else in the exact same spot you were just in.

Looking back I was physically falling apart for years – but always with a smile on my face, always while keeping busy and moving onto the next project in my life. (Sound familiar anyone?) There were warning signs that my body was crying out for help. There was a growing disconnect with my mind, body & soul – they weren’t having the same conversation. The universe kept bellowing:

Hey Liis!

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now?

HOW ABOUT RIGHT NOW?!

It wasn’t until I completely fell apart and started putting back the pieces that I realized all this, until I heard the universe LOUD and CLEAR. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune thyroid dis-ease in 2011, endometriosis in 2012 and the clincher, the rare dis-ease cerebellar gluten ataxia in 2013. My list of symptoms was enormous and the daily pain was off the charts.  Were there good times in there? Absolutely. Some great times in fact. Some travelling and some nights of dancing even. Some amazing career projects. But to say I have done a lot of soul searching, health homework and deep reflection would be an understatement. I feel as if I just completed a university degree I didn’t realize I had signed up for!

I like to call the last few years my “spiritual time-out.”  In all the pain and all the frustration, there were so many lessons, so much knowledge gained, so many moments of amazement and wonder. To the general public who have seen me on numerous TV appearances and in fashion campaigns, it may not have seemed like anything was wrong but every event – even if only one or two hours – required meticulous planning and then recuperation. From first adopting a gluten free life in 2011 to embracing a Paleo lifestyle in late 2013, I have grown to realize the healing energy of food, meditation and positive thinking and the power we have to change the course of our dis-ease, our happiness, our lives.

As I sat in my time-out chair, I did reflect on a lot, and came to new levels of understanding on so many platforms.  After labour, mothers will always say of course they would go through it all again in order to have their children. Although not a mother, I can relate to that sentiment – I have come out the other side with a new lease on life I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world.  There is no going back to “before.” I have wept so many tears of gratitude and sit in such gratefulness every day.  My friends now lovingly say, ”Aww Liis, are you crying from happiness again?”

I have created this space and welcome you here to learn, to grow, to laugh, to embrace your inner child and hug the hell out of her. To reach out to your future self and proactively take care of her right now, this very instant – and let her know how amazing she is. To love yourself today, just the way you are in all your amazing perfection. To live in joy daily. To shake up your routine. To ask questions. To not only think outside the box but live like it never existed. To cry tears of total joy. To surprise and amaze yourself. To do your health homework because it is really, really good for your mind, body and soul!

Let’s lose the obsession with what size is on the label of our jeans and daily weigh-ins and always calorie counting shall we? My shape and size has changed dramatically through all this and it is but one  small part of my story. My curvy body allowed me to travel the world with a career I loved, connecting with incredible people around the world. I honour my body throughout time, whatever shape or size. Weight and size is such a small part of who all of us really are.  This site is about body love for everybody and every BODY.

If I can help others from going through the same health issues and rude awakening I did, I sure want to try.  As this site grows, and as I continue to grow, I hope you will join me. I am so looking forward to it!