Posts

Happiness Dwells In The “Little” Moments

/0 Comments/in , /by

Last week was quite delicious. And gratifying. And exciting. And rewarding.

I did not win a mega jackpot lottery or get a new car or home or land a huge contract. What I did get were the oh-so-sweet rewards for years of patience, dedication and determination. I got pieces of my life back.

Every Monday night as far back as I can remember is Pilates night. It took me years to master the moves, strength and agility needed in class. In 2011, I still had moves to master but I was so happy with how I had developed over the years. Then I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in 2011 and Gluten Ataxia in 2013. I lost all strength, dexterity and my brain and body literally forgot how to do anything and my brain was not sending the proper messaging to my limbs. My legs would plummet to the floor, my arms did not work and were in severe pain, my body would tremor in protest and the simplest moves became utterly exhausting. I would silently cry throughout every class either from complete system overwhelm, sheer frustation or both. And I would leave walking like I was drunk having just got off a roller coaster. Over the years, Pilates grew to become an integral part of my physiotherapy as it was one of the only forms of physical movement I could participate in.

On February 1, 2016, in a Pilates class, I got a push-up back after years of trying.  It was one of the sweetest moments of my life. I did feel like I had won the lottery. This Monday I got another “simple” move back – after 7 years of sheer dedication! My teacher laughed out loud in celebration as did I. Sweet victory! I still have to adapt a lot of moves and hold my legs up with a band but I am grinning. I am thrilled. I am so beyond grateful it is ridiculous. I never thought I would get back to this level of strength.

The next day I did a photo shoot – in high heels. Something that again, I used to do regularly as a model which left my life when I developed severe balance and dizziness issues and an adverse reaction (not being able to walk or talk)  to gluten in make-up and beauty products. I used my own gluten-free make-up kit for this one and rocked those heels!

And to close a week of ridiculously sweet accomplishments, I did a fashion runway show on Saturday. In high heels. Under bright lights with loud pumping music. I flashed back to the last runway I was able to walk in 2012, in which I was in a complete panic as I walked out in severe pain to a massive crowd at Toronto Fashion Week and felt the room swirling around me, my feet and legs feeling like they would give out, the music and lights actually hurting and splitting into a million moving parts attacking my senses, knowing that something was severely wrong. I flashed back to having so much trouble simply doing up a button, a zipper, changing my own clothes, putting on shoes. I’ve done a plethora of runway shows over 25 years and I don’t think one can be sweeter than the last. What a gift.

A simple exercise move. Standing in high heels. Walking in a show. We don’t realize what lights us up until it’s taken away. We don’t realize how many pieces of our identity make us who we are until they vanish from our lives. We don’t realize the gift of movement and how it helps define us and the confidence and joy it gives us until it disappears. And we don’t realize how many gifts are given to us regularly in seemingly insignifcant moments. Life is delicous, every moment, every day in so many ways.

Celebrate Climbing YOUR Mountain

/1 Comment/in , /by

I’ve got a mountain.

You’ve got a mountain.

We’ve all got a mountain of some sort.

And we need to celebrate climbing our mountain whatever it may look like.

I’ve learned some valuable life lessons over the last few years. There is no trying to keep up with the Joneses. There is no comparing my level of accomplishment to anyone else’s. I am setting the bar for myself and patting myself on the back along the way. And giving myself high fives – lots of them.

This month I started a fitness ball class…without the ball. And a weight class…without the weights. I am a bonafide athletic superstar.  As Julia Roberts once said in a movie, “I’ve got moves you’ve never seen before.”

Here’s the thing, I look completely normal and am feeling more like myself as each week passes but my body and brain are still learning how to hang out in the same room together even with regular “health homework.” Recovering from Gluten Ataxia autoimmunity that has affected my brain has had me relearning a lot of motor skills. Who needs weights when my arms are still heavy enough to lift? In physiotherapy, simply sitting on an exercise ball was one of the most terrifying acts I have ever done. Crazy right? It felt like hanging off the ledge of a skyscraper about to fall to my untimely death. I cannot print the words that came out of my mouth during those sessions – thankfully my physiotherapists found my profanity amusing.

This week I got on an exercise ball. I wedged it against a wall, but I got on. And then I looked drunk bobbing and swaying as I walked home. It is not fun to walk into a class feeling normal and leave an hour later feeling like you just downed a Pinot Grigio in the middle of your workout but it’s a sign to me that more needs to be fixed but also that more of me is coming back together. And I am thrilled to be at a point that my body and brain can bounce back after about 15 minutes versus days, versus not having been able to do any of it at all.

liis-windischmann-motivation-quote-climb-your-mountain

And you know what? I feel like an Olympian. With medals. Lots of them. Phelps style.

I am not the fastest.

Or the most agile.

Or very coordinated.

And I have to adapt the entire workout and go slow.

But I am climbing MY mountain…and it feels ridiculously sweet.

PSST! I write weekly on this seriously juicy book loving site.  This article originally appeared there. You can catch this article and my other articles and other really great ones by fabulous writers over here.

It’s Never Too Late To Decide Who You Want To Be

/0 Comments/in /by

I can still remember the 2 careers my high school aptitude test with its multitude of questions revealed as being best suited to my skills and personality – movie director and minister. I still chuckle at how diverse they are in many ways. Having no interest then in film or a religious pursuit, these careers were met with laughs and eye rolls by my guidance counsellor, friends and family. “There is NO way you are going to be either one of those,” friends would joke.  The general consensus was that somehow the test was flawed.  I now realize had those ideas been explored and had we been able to look past those exact titles, they exemplified my skills to a T.

I went to university because I knew I needed to further my education – but I had no idea what I wanted to do. I got a degree in English Literature not because I necessarily wanted one, I knew it interested me and I was good at it. Quite frankly, I had no clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. And after getting my degree, I literally had no idea how to transfer my three years of newfound knowledge into a career.

Sometimes when you don’t know the direction you are supposed to take, the universe, fate, a higher power – whatever you want to call it – steps in and puts you on the path you are meant to travel. While walking through a shopping mall one day in my early 20s, I was stopped by a model scout …and my almost 25 year career as a model began. And where did it take me? Onto a plethora of TV shows, learning the ins and outs of live television, sound, lighting, angles and how to be outgoing to make the segment shine. I later went on to be an on-air TV host and create fashion shows with a million and one moving parts behind the scenes that I needed to have an eye on at all times. Not exactly a movie director but so many similar skills in a multitude of ways.

My career instilled in me the need to share positivity around body image and self-esteem and I speak regularly to groups of girls and teens about media literacy. And after having a major life shift due to developing  autoimmunity, I have been connecting  to even more groups – in lectures, online, in interviews and on TV about creating a spiritual connection with oneself, about finding love and happiness in our lives. I recently realized, minus the religious connotation, how many similarities there are in my career skill set and that of a minister.

Many people want to create a career change but just don’t know what they love. They don’t know what will light them up day in and day out. If this sounds like you, think back to when you were younger, before being  convinced certain ideas were impossibilities, before ideas were put into boxes and shoved away. Think back to what truly interested you before the world – friends and family, finances, cultural norms told you to think otherwise. Or take an online aptitude test and be open to what YOU, through your answers, are revealing are your strengths. And don’t get hung up on formal career titles like I did – be open and explore!

liis-windischmann-be-you

It is never too late to be who you really want to be and who you are meant to be, to do what you were put on this earth to do. You are never too old to reinvent yourself and express your true talents. There are always signs on the road pointing us in the right direction – we must however be open to seeing and accepting them. At 45, I believe I am only now truly melding my passion and my skill set. I am finally reaching into my backpack and using all the tools that have been there all along.  You are right on track no matter what age or stage you are at. Like an incredible meal, sometimes we just need some sweet time to marinate…

PSST! I write weekly on this seriously juicy book loving site.  This article originally appeared there. You can catch this article and my other articles and other really great ones by fabulous writers over here.

Why You’ll Never Hear Me Complain About Winter

/2 Comments/in , /by

This winter rocked.

Shovelling was awesome.

Clearing off my car repeatedly was thrilling.

Chipping ice off my windows was fantastic.

Digging out my car tires was joy filled.

Repeatedly clearing my walk made me smile.

I am not sure if this winter had more snow than most, was colder than normal, or I was just more aware of the typical I-hate-winter comments that seem to be the norm every year. All I know, is that my body and brain allowed me to do everyday tasks that I am sure I used to moan and kvetch about year after year. I am now bowing out of that comment game forever.

For the first time in several years, I didn’t have to meticulously plan my energy for the week if I had to dig my car out. I didn’t have to think about how I would lift my arms to clear the roof off my car, pray for sun to melt the ice off the windows because I had zero strength to scrape them, I didn’t get completely nauseous and dizzy from five minutes of snow clearing, I didn’t have to clear my car in short segments up to 5 times for something that should have taken a few minutes and sleep for hours after.  I could actually not only push a shovel but grip the handle and lift heavy snow and toss it to the side. Much better than my adopted technique of trying to brush aside a path with my feet.

I found myself grinning from ear to ear from the sheer joy and gratitude of getting to clear off my car. I had energy and I wanted to use it! I went a little crazy a few times and decided to clear off my neighbours’ cars too.  Same with shovelling….I just kept going…because I could. There may have been a few appreciative happy dances beside my car, and several walks through fresh fallen snow with a huge grin on my face. And I did not chime in on the winter complaining…I became the annoying Susie Sunshine of Winter World.

I didn’t get to skate this winter – was still too wobbly for that. But the sheer JOY from digging my car out and shovelling made up for it. Sound crazy?  When everyday tasks are taken away, and you get them back, you will never moan about them again.  They are gifts of movement. They are gifts of strength. They are gifts of independence.

It’s April and everyone is expecting spring.  Yesterday was one of the first days in months that I was really energetic and walked normally all day – no back pain from overcompensating for my legs walking wobbly, no knees buckling, no feeling like my legs were jello, no sensory overload and my brain felt sharp.  Magical day all around.  I went to a movie and came out to a surprise snowfall. I grinned as I yet again cleared my car off. I thought it was a nice winter send off as I was standing on my strong legs, with my strong arms able to quickly clear off my car.  I am so excited for winter next year. Bring on skating. Bring on skiing. Bring on a hike in the snow. And bring on more car clearing. Bring on shovelling. I can’t wait.

 

 

There Are Gifts In Being Still

/0 Comments/in /by

Always stop to enjoy a moment, smell the roses, appreciate the beauty in something. My health journey has literally many days forced me to sit still, sit in the moment, appreciate the little details in a day that lead to a magical life.

When life puts you in the universal time-out chair through dis-ease or any other life interruption, will you sit and rage? Or will you calm yourself to observe the amazing things going on around you? On some days my ataxia has only allowed limited walking – maybe a couple hundred metres, maybe half an hour, maybe more – it really depends. Beautiful moments have opened up before me – moments that were always there but I overlooked in the hustle and bustle of daily life. The way sunshine hits a flower. The gorgeous colours of a bird’s feathers. Children running and giggling. The texture of a tree. Waves crashing and gleaming in the sunlight.

Stop. Breathe.

Appreciate the gifts that find you in any universal time-out in your life.

See and hear new things or old things in new ways.

There are gifts in being still.

Let them find you.