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Welcome to The Body Love Series: Time to Start a Body Love Conversation!

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Something happened when my body completely fell apart.

I ended up loving it even more than I thought possible.

And the more grateful I became, the more I started to stare at my newly working body parts in awe and wonder and thanked them regularly for the gifts they gave me. My eyes and ears became even more in tune to all the negative body image hype sent our way, all the messages blaring through headlines and TV and articles and ads telling me what wasn’t good enough, what needed fixing, what needed replacing.  What needed to be traded in or cast aside.

The energy felt so…wrong.

After several years of not being able to move much and when I could not very well, I really appreciate when my not-so-toned body helps me walk down the street to the grocery store, when my imperfect belly helps me get up out of a chair, when my kinda squishy arms allow me to hug someone. Having not been able to communicate properly with various combinations of slurring and stuttering and forgetting what I was going to say, I feel as though I have several years of speaking to catch up upon!  I say this literally – not figuratively – I want to climb to the top of a mountain and shout to everyone…

YOUR BODY ROCKS!

RIGHT HERE!

RIGHT NOW!

Body image issues have always been important to me. I have had the honour and privilege of being a plus-size/curvy model for over 20 years while working to make changes in fashion that count everyBODY in, and I have been speaking with girls’ groups for years helping them rethink how they think about the messages that bombard them daily.  And the longer my health time-out lasted with Hashimoto’s & Gluten Ataxia, the more it increased my want to speak up more about our need to stop being so hard on ourselves.

You know what really got me?  All those Before & After photos out there in which  people put themselves down. When I could barely move or walk I would stare at them and think how we have been taught to shame the person, the body, that brought us to today.  I wanted to hug all the “Befores” and tell them,” You are amazing. You carried this person all this way. You loved her. You protected her. You did the best you could. Ok, you may have made some mistakes but we all do.  Even the “Afters” do! You are a superstar and I admire you….throughout time, throughout phases and stages. You are you always and you are amazing. ”

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Can we all use some tune-ups?  Absolutely. Is tweaking aspects of your life a good thing? Yes, it totally is!  Are major changes sometimes necessary? For sure. Is eating well a good idea? Hells yes. Should we get active? Yes!  But the key is making changes from a place of body love – not disgust, not shame – not by putting ourselves down. My motto is this:  We need to speak to ourselves, to our bodies like we would a small child. Build it up with love and kindness. Smiles. Laughter. Joy. Isn’t life way more fun that way?

So technically I still can’t climb a mountain…or even many stairs (you can bet I am working on it) in order to shout YOUR BODY ROCKS! But I can create a Body Love Conversation with you here…on my website…on social media…in the press…and would love for you to join in on the #BLC (that’s the cool hashtag you can use to join the convo!)

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Join me for regular Mantra Mondays posts – the link will always be on my homepage – or sign up for my newsletter at the top of this page to get regular Body Love Blasts sent your way. Check out my Instagram & Facebook for a regular dose of Body Love. And I am excited to start speaking with you regularly on Periscope too! I am particularly excited about #BLC Wednesdays Twitter Convos which will feature incredible Body Love guest hosts which will take place on my @liisonlife Twitter page Wednesday February 17th, March 2, 16 and 30th. My inspiring guests will include beauty expert Janine Falcon (@JanineFalcon) of beautygeeks (catch her on the first chat),  athlete and founder of Born to Reign Athletics (@btrathletics) Krista Henderson, Editor-in-chief of DARE magazine (@daremagcanada), Diana Di Poce, and Meghan Bradley, Director of Curvy Expo (@curvyexpo). Will be sure to keep you up to date on all the details as the series unfolds! (No RSVP required!)

I am really looking forward to chatting with you through The Body Love Series. Together we can change the #BLC.

Liis xo!

 

 

 

The Body Love Series: There Is No “Small” Accomplishment

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February 1, 2016 was a ridiculously awesome day.

I did one push-up.

Let’s back this up shall we…

I used to be an avid  bootcamper. Lunges. Squats. Ab work from hell. And tons of push-ups. Lots and lots of push-ups.  I remember being on a shoot in 2009 and the make-up artist was adding some lotion to my legs.  They were rock solid. So were my arms and well, my butt. I was curvy but solid. She flipped out. She had never met a model with such muscle. I was quite proud because for me I didn’t do those sessions to lose weight, to change my size, to have a ripped body. I did those classes because I felt great, because I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone, because they made me feel strong – mentally and physically.

I left every class in an exhausted, steamy haze of sweat – and I loved it! And here is the funny thing…every single person in my class did regular weigh-ins and measurement checks. I didn’t. (I was told I was the only woman in the history of the class not to!)  Those numbers weren’t fuelling me. My newfound strength and sense of accomplishment were fuelling me. As a model, I did have to take my measurements here and there in order to provide that information to clients needing to book a particular size but I never let this define me. One day I had to take my hip measurement for a clothing client that needed to know if a sample pair of pants would fit me….and I realized my hip size had increased…due to my behind becoming more defined from lunges! I thought it was hilarious that I was the only woman in the class loving the fact that her hip measurement  got b-i-g-g-e-r instead of smaller. It still amuses me.

When my workouts started to become impossible in 2011 due to Hashimoto’s, one of the first major difficulties I had was arm strength. I went from being able to crank out push-ups to feeling like my arms were jello. My push-ups left the building in 2011 and it has taken many years to get mobility, feeling and strength from my elbows down through my hands. I have been trying – weekly – to get my push-ups back.

I was in Venice Beach in LA in 2012 and was frustrated and pissed off I could no longer do a push-up. I had no idea at the time that Gluten Ataxia was attacking the messaging from my brain to my body parts, no idea that my system was going to shut down in a way I could not even fathom. I remember telling my friend Shelli that I just wanted to be able to do one. Just one. And she said,”Let’s do some. Right here. Right now. Your body needs help remembering how to do it.” And she practically lifted me in and out of 3 of them. Okay….she DID lift me in and out of 3 of them!  But I was so happy. It felt good. I love this photo because it is sheer triumph and joy, messy hair and all!

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Since then I have kept trying to get strength back and there have been so many tears of sheer determination shed and also many of sheer frustration. The one form of movement that I have been able to make work in my world has been mat Pilates which I have been taking Monday nights for as long as I can remember with my amazing and supportive teacher Svetlana. I had developed so much strength and so many skills over the years and I lost them all in the last few years and instead of starting from scratch, I started at a level way below where I had been years earlier.  She has seen me through so many stages! After my physiotherapy with Neuro-fit Systems in late 2014, I thought my arms were finally starting to get the messaging from my brain to M-O-V-E. Since January 2015 after returning from 3 months of physio, I have tried to do a push-up (with my knees on the ground)  at every Monday class and regularly at home. I celebrated a little bend of my arm. It took me almost an entire year to bend all the way down before collapsing.

I thanked my teacher before the 2015 Christmas holidays and I told her I was going to get my push-up back in 2016. And I warned her that when it happened, I may just yell in class and was apologizing ahead of time for the disturbance to the zen. She told me she expected and looked forward to me celebrating.

And last night, I got my push-up back.

(No, not a proper military one – no need to be cocky right now!)

I really wasn’t expecting it.

It was a gift out of the blue…

…6 years in the making!

I tried to be quiet. I really did. But 6 years of pent up frustration and joy and wonder and gratitude came spilling out and I think I did some form of a yelping victory shout just as Svetlana was watching me come out of the push-up. She knew what was happening and was grinning before I uttered a sound. My classmates all threw me loving words of congratulations. And then I went into child’s pose and wept and wept and slimed my mat with joyous tears. The rest of the class was a blur – literally – I kept crying and couldn’t see anything!

And something so “little” is so life changing. So empowering. Such a stunning, gorgeous gift to receive. Doing one push-up is quite easily one of my life’s greatest accomplishments.  Who knew one little action could mean so much?

I find it amazing as I am launching my Body Love Series, that I get this amazing gift.

So, when there is talk about weight and size and jumping on scales and counting calories and BMI this or that….I just want to say….who cares? I just did my first push-up in 6 years. My body is perfect. And so is yours. Ridiculously, amazingly perfect. No number on a scale, no size on the back of a bathing suit could ever be sweeter to me than my one push-up.  Can we change diet talk to accomplishment talk please?

Looking forward to having you join The Body Love Conversation and sharing your ideas, thoughts and journey.  Use the hashtag #BLC so we can all hear what you want to share.

So I Did A TEDx Talk…

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I love TED and TEDx talks. Ever since I first discovered them I was hooked and in the back on my mind I thought,”I want to do one of those one day.” I’ve been able to see people I admire speak about their lives and experiences or been introduced to individuals I had never heard of before but after their talks had me madly Googling them to find out more.The first one I viewed will always resonate with me and I have watched it countless times – Aimee Mullins: It’s not fair having 12 pairs of legs.  Aimee is so incredible on so many levels and I love speaking of her, sharing her images and her point of view with children when we talk about body image and self-esteem. Amanda Palmer: The Art of Asking is so brilliantly delivered that it upped the game for every presentation I saw after. I was completely smitten by Ron Finely’s A Guerilla Gardener in South Central LA talk. Have watched it numerous times and it is powerful yet amusing. You have to catch Brene Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability. And one that deeply touched my soul and had me tearing up was Monica Lewinsky: The price of shame.  Incredible. I tried to hug her through the computer.

I put it out to the universe that I wanted to do a TEDx talk by the end of 2015…and then I got an email in February…asking me to do a TEDx talk. I almost fell off my chair.  (I need to keep manifesting!) I was invited by Craig Zimmer, an incredible teacher,  who has been sharing his passion for TED talks with his students, school – and the entire school board –  through the TEDxStMaryCSS event and the TEDEdClub. I love that he is encouraging the next generation to speak up with confidence! I figured I had until June 5, the date of the event, to get my body and brain working better together while healing from gluten ataxia.  Lots of time I thought.  After many revisions, I decided to entitle my talk An Exploration of Identity and take the audience through the journey I had been on that had opened my eyes to so many lessons. I thought I was doing well as the date was approaching…even if my walking was still not up to par, my brain seemed to be working better. I just needed my brain and my mouth to work on that stage for less than 2o minutes and all would be fine.

However, the more I spoke aloud and practiced, the more scrambled my brain got. My brain is still building up its motor skills and connections and speaking was taking me down. Leading up to the talk, I was slurring my words, stuttering, flipping words in sentences and was unable to remember anything that was not in chronological order.  My head hurt in a way it had never hurt before – not a headache….like someone who was injuring herself by repeating an action.  I was sobbing in my friend Shelli’s arms in my kitchen 2 days before my talk. Not only did I not think I would physically be able to do it, I questioned if I would ever be able to give a talk or work on TV ever again.  I explained to my friend that it felt like a runner trying to complete a marathon on a broken leg in a cast – could it be possible? Yes. Would it lead to long term injury? Probably. Would it be a very good idea? No. It must be noted that Shelli is a complete and utter rock star and has literally hugged my soul daily throughout this journey.

With fellow TEDx speakers Ashley Rose & Simone Denny.

With fellow TEDx speakers Ashley Rose & Simone Denny.

I asked if I could speak at the event first and meticulously planned what I ate that morning and when, when I meditated and drove there in silence. Eating with precise timing helped stave off severe blood sugar issues which would also lead to severe brain fog, stuttering and slurring. Knowing I could speak first meant I knew my food would help keep my brain operating and I would not have to worry about how the day’s timing unfolded. I wouldn’t have to worry about how much I spoke with others or how much I walked because both would take up a lot of energy needed for the talk. I did anything and everything to calm down my brain. And I made the executive decision to eliminate all slides. It may sound simple to talk while clicking the remote in order to pull up a few pictures but for me that seemed the equivalent of running backwards while patting my head and rubbing my belly while trying to tell a joke. I asked if I could put up a few bullet points on the prompter instead. I could. I exhaled. Salvation.

I am really proud of my TEDx talk – for standing up there and simply speaking. I climbed a mountain to get there and presenting it was a sweet-as-all-hell gift. It didn’t matter to me if I was standing or sitting – I just wanted to speak. I literally spent all summer after that looking into getting a scooter wheelchair because I just kept getting utterly exhausted – and I realized that being able to speak meant more to me than walking everywhere.  Every day became a day of bartering with my motor skills. Ok, you want to use this motor skill?  You’ve got to give up these ones for the rest of the day. You want to use several motor skills today?  You will need to nap for the rest of the week… I wanted my energy….to speak…to be me…to express myself to the world, share my thoughts and ideas – and I did not care anymore if I was standing or sitting. Where once I was completely gutted by the thought of sitting in a scooter, I started to get really excited. I could feel the wind whipping through my hair on the path by the beach and pictured myself buzzing around airports going places. I looked up rentals at The Louvre and figured I would have an advantage and actually see way more incredible art on a scooter! THAT got me really excited. And I was introduced to the magic of an electric bike which further opened up my world of possibilities. If it could conserve my energy to be able to speak and communicate and socialize more, and enjoy more moments,  it would be worth it to sit more often.  I realized even more so how much I truly loved and valued my brain and the thoughts in it and the expression my lips could convey to the world.

What a hell of a way to truly know body love and to appreciate every single day on this planet!  I continuously tweak my “health homework” and made some more health changes at the end of the summer that have helped turn my energy levels around.  Every day has been a gift in more mobility, increased energy, better brain function and creativity. I know healing will be an ongoing process for quite some time but I am overjoyed with the changes and revel in walking a little longer as each month passes. I am so beyond honoured to have been able to present this talk and now know that my desire to get out there and do more talks is possible. Bring. It. On. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch my TEDx talk. Every view means more to me than I could ever convey. And please…

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Love yourself more.

Hug your soul more.

Tell your body it is amazing regularly.

Stare at your body parts in wonder.

Stop stepping on a scale every day.

Don’t worry about what size you are.

Thank your body for its magnificence.

Know that you are ridiculously amazing throughout all time and space.

You are utterly perfect – never forget it.

Liis xo

 

 

 

 

 

Pay Attention to the Little Heath Things…They Are Never Little

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I had a few big smiles this week. From little things. Little things that are big things. Like so many people, I didn’t realize how many parts of me were falling apart and leading to bigger health issues – and they are all “little things” I hear so many people comment upon weekly.

Before I got diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in 2011 and really started to revamp my health, “health things” would crop up but because they are so commonplace in our everyday culture, language and acceptance, I chalked them up to what gets added to your body’s health pile as you get older. But now I realize that uhh….hell to the no….this isn’t supposed to happen! Grey hair? Yes.  Wrinkles and laugh lines? Sure. A multitude of everyday problems? NO!

This week I wore earrings twice. Big deal you’re thinking. It actually is a very big deal. All my friends know me as an accessory addict – I love jewellery.  But I had got to a point that my ears would be on fire from wearing earrings for even a few minutes – didn’t matter what they were made of. When I had to wear some for modelling shoots, I would grin and bear it and rip them off as soon as possible.  So I haven’t worn earrings for years.

My body has been on high alert for so many years and it is just now starting to calm down. All the goodness I have been fueling it with by eating gluten-free and Paleo, taking the right supplements for my body, changing my household and beauty products to healthier versions is paying off.  Thinking about stressors in my life and keeping them to a minimum is making a difference – this covers everything from work to my social life to how I talk and think, making sure to meditate daily, getting enough sleep. I liken my body to a frightened cat thrown into freezing water that needs a loving, calm hand to pet it to calm it down, hug and cuddle it – let it know its safe.  My body is now realizing it is safe and in good hands.

So, aside from the multitude (the list is HUGE) of improvements from addressing Hashimoto’s, Endometriosis and Gluten Ataxia, here are some “little things” that have changed in my world that used to occur frequently and I had, like many of you perhaps, accepted as my daily norm. They are all now gone.

Seasonal Allergies – I used to be a mess every spring – stuffy nose, head and face aches, fogginess, overall feeling like crap.

Pet Allergies – I literally did not touch anyone’s pets for years and if I did and then touched my face, I would feel awful for days. Or, I would pet a dog and then have to immediately wash my hands. Having an adorable cat nuzzle my face or sit in my lap?  Forget it!

Reaction to Jewellery – My skin started to react to everything. I remember wearing a necklace in 2011 and having the imprint seared to my skin for a week (and it wasn’t a cheap one!) Earrings would cause my ears to turn beet red and I could never wear them for more than half an hour before having to rip them off.

Acid Reflux – I started taking antacids regularly – several times per week. I started to make up rules like “no orange juice past 4:00” or “no salsa around dinnertime” as it would literally keep me up all night with acid burning my throat. It could leave me coughing for days from the burning. I literally started to make “acid rules.” How crazy is that?

Constant Colds – I think it’s easier to say I was a walking cold versus trying to tell you how many I had in a year.  Before 2011, I remember being sick all the time – colds lingered for months. I would joke that I had wet lung because I literally would have a constant wheezing cough. Looking back, it really wasn’t something to joke about.  I have had the sniffles for exactly 2 days since 2011 and no colds, no flu.

Runny Nose – Growing up, I would joke with my family because I never had a runny or stuffy nose. I rarely needed tissue and would never bring any with me as I watched others stuff their pockets with them to have handy. As I got diagnosed, I realized my wastebaskets were constantly full of tissues and the amount had steadily increased over the years.  I was literally blowing my nose all the time. I was a snotty disaster. No more.

Frequent Weather Headaches – Any time there would be a big build-up to a thunderstorm, I would get blinding headaches – in-bed-in-the-dark-don’t-talk-to-anyone-eyes-welded-shut-I-am-going-to-vomit headaches. I would happily await a downpour as I knew this would help bring relief. I coined them “barometric pressure headaches.” I literally wanted someone to create a barometric pressure chamber to relieve me of the pain. I know so many people who have weather related headaches. Upon going gluten-free in 2011, my weather headaches vanished. Never had one since.

Anything sound familiar?  Anything sound like something you have accepted as part of your everyday life? I have realized something really important in my health journey…

An accepted norm doesn’t mean something is normal.

No more letting “little things” add up. Little things are always big things. Our bodies give us a million and one warning signs when they need help. It’s amazing but we pay more attention to blinking lights on our car dashboards alerting us to maintenance issues than similar warnings given to us by our bodies.  We get our cars into service shops as soon as possible so they don’t break down! Hmm….

Happy for the health homework that has brought me to today and for the tweaks that continue to improve my life.  Here is to cuddling with cute pets…in the spring…while wearing earrings, during bad weather – but not while eating salsa – that would be kinda awkward….and a little gross and probably messy…