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The Body Love Series: Flipping Body Frustration to Thankfulness

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I have done more in the last month than I have done in the last year. I have BEEN ABLE to do more in the last month than I have BEEN ABLE to get done in the last year. I have to keep telling myself this during moments of body frustration. It is a huge distinction. And it’s important.

I have been creating and writing and just did two TV segments in one week.  I’m really proud of my physical and mental accomplishments – catch my BT Toronto segment if you haven’t already! I am still in shock that this much activity is going down after literally not being able to move much or talk much – or think much for that matter – for a couple years. But then I get overly excited and want to do more …and my body and brain can’t keep up with my excitement and determination. As my sister lovingly says to me sometimes,”Don’t get too cocky!” After all this activity, my brain was protesting all week, I was exhausted and out of it and my legs decided to revert back to their wobbly ways – only for a couple hours, but enough to get me utterly frustrated and upset and worried. I had to start listening to my own advice. So, in the middle of my wobbly walk, I had to flip my frustrated thinking and I sat myself down on a bench for a little meditative meeting with myself. It went something like this:

Legs, you are so not going there again. This is not cool. This is unfair.  You can’t do this to me. I thought this part was over. You need to work.

Legs, you have come such a long way. You have made so many improvements. You are getting stronger every day, getting more muscle tone again and these setbacks are temporary and hey, you kicked some serious ass this week! You carried me far and held me up to do a lot of fun stuff. Thank you. You rock.

Brain, when are you going to stop shutting down on me?  When is the fogginess and inability to think and create going to go away?  When are you going to be normal? When are you going to let me unleash and do all the things I need to do and want to do?

Brain, you have become so much stronger. You allowed me to create ideas for TV and remember all my talking points for the shows which means a lot to me.  You have allowed me to think and create and write and put out a new post weekly as well as regular social media posts. You’ve allowed me to create positive ideas to share with others. Thank you.

Body, why do you keep losing energy? Shutting down?  Losing steam?  I’m so frustrated and I thought I was doing everything right. When will this really be over?

Body, thank you for holding me up and letting me do fun things again. Thank you for letting me do what I want to do for my career again. Last year I was still thinking regularly about getting a motorized scooter. Thankfully I don’t need to consider this anymore – thank you for getting me to today. I know you are going to keep improving. I’ve seen the evidence. Be patient with me when I get like this. Every day there are new accomplishments to celebrate.

In my Pilates class tonight, I cranked out 5 wobbly-cheater-not-so-strong-half-push-ups and am still grinning. On February 1st, I was able to do my first imperfectly perfect one in 6 years. Tonight I reflected on all the improvements I have made. Waiting 6 years to be able to do one push-up. A little over a month to get up to 5 – that’s a really impressive improvement in a short amount of time. Thanked my body for getting me to today and was grateful for body improvements over days, weeks, months and years.

As my body and brain keeps getting stronger, I vow to myself that when I get frustrated again, and it’s going to happen because I am human, I will stop and thank myself for all the gifts in my life, all the gifts my body gives me, all the improvements that have happened. Years down the line, as my body gets older, I will remember this all too. It’s ok to be frustrated but the key is to recognize the frustration and decide to change it…

 

I Climbed the Mountain & Reclaimed My 5K

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I’ve had a few days to reflect upon my Reclaim My 5K project – or race if you rather. I didn’t think I would go through so many emotions before, during and after one week of walking! I find the daily in’s and out’s of living with autoimmunity and gluten ataxia to be fascinating – on a mental, physical and spiritual level. Every time I think I can’t possibly reach another level of gratitude, of awe and wonder… and yes, frustration, I do.  Craziest roller coaster I have ever been on.

There is an amazing energy in reclaiming something that you feel has been taken away – not lost – taken away. I feel as though I have been staring up at the mountain I had planned to climb for several years and have been camped out at the base watching everyone else go up for a climb in the bright sunshine. Your brain never stopped wanting to climb. Your heart never stopped wanting to climb. Your soul never stopped wanting to climb. Your body just kept saying,”I still need to rest. Not ready yet.” And so you waited. And waited. And waited. And kept staring up that mountain. Day after day.

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

Rocking the KM’s with the help of GoodLife Fitness, Katie K Active (K1,3,5) & Reitmans (K2,4)

It felt really good to reclaim that mountain. I burst out crying several times leading up to Day 1. I just didn’t think I would ever get back to walking so far. I think if you saw me, you’d think I look perfectly normal, maybe even athletic. I felt alive on that first day and was in shock that I could have actually walked a little further. I felt like an athlete having the sponsorship of KatieK Active and Reitmans. Wearing their clothes made the physical aspect of simply walking slowly feel worthy and important. I felt valued as an athlete – regardless of my pace. Having them and GoodLife Fitness support me enthusiastically on this journey symbolically on a soul level meant…

You see me.

You see who I was.

You see who I am.

You see who I will be.

As each day went on, and I got another KM under my belt, something inside me was switching over from years of sitting in the energy of UNATTAINABLE  to the energy of ACCOMPLISHMENT. It was a monumental shift for me, a necessary shift. I realized how urgent it had be for me to make up a race, create this project and not wait for summer weather and an official race. It needed to be done NOW – in whatever form could happen NOW.

 

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

On the Reclaim My 5K finish line with Head Coach Momma Fran & my 1st place medal & trophy!

As the week went on, the support I received was incredible and I had tears reading comments from many people – some complete strangers. More than ever, it made me realize the importance of sharing our thoughts with each other, sending comments and encouragement to those we love and to those we have never met. This was so uplifting as I became completely exhausted during the week and my brain started shutting down. It’s like there is a pump and the more activity I do, the more it pumps the energy out of my brain. Legs need to work = brain loses power. This has been gradually improving thankfully.

I had sea legs every time I got off the treadmill and it would take several hours to calm my system down.  My gait went through several phases last week – I have to speak of them affectionately – the clomp, the little kid stomping through puddles, the wobble, the shuffle, the prancing horse. And just plain old herky-jerky. My dad always insisted it was a real expression, I begged to differ but have to agree, it describes my walking quite accurately now!

All unique.

All fascinating.

All aspects of me.

I got frustrated part way through the week because my brain started to slow down leading to complete brain fog, slurring of words and stuttering. It made putting up coherent posts on social media about the race quite challenging. I have agreed to do an important speech in June and I started to panic thinking simply walking for a few days may have jeopardized that. Being in uncharted health territory in which relapses have lasted for months,  sometimes the future unfolds like a mystery grab bag in which you don’t know what the contents are until you open it up.

I have to say though….Day 5 was sweet! Finishing what had eluded me for so long felt FANTASTIC. That 5th KM represented so much more than a physical accomplishment. It was a mental and spiritual victory after years of patience.  To have my mom there meant a lot. She has been with me every step of this journey hopping on airplanes with me trying to get a diagnosis and treatment, cheering me on when I would somehow get through live TV appearances and crumble after, and being right beside me on this roller coaster – for the exciting highs and the not-so-fun lows. My crew of cool babes Shelli, Lori-ann and my sister Cheryl rock for helping me all week – and always. My nieces and sister Karen sent along victory flowers and a card which made the end of the race even more special.

I pretty much stayed in bed all day after I finished and didn’t speak with anyone for 2 days. Or in Secret Op Code that I have with my friends to make light of the situation, I simply text: Going dark.  That means they know I need to decompress. I’m alive, but don’t call me because I can’t talk (because at some points, talking is as exhausting as movement). But here’s the magical part – the bounce back. My friends and family talked me through it…look how far you’ve come…look where you were this time last year…you’ll rebound faster this time…this will be a good test to see where you are after a few days of rest. They rock the party. Large. After several days of shuffling and walking into walls, I walked almost normally yesterday and even did a couple hours of shooting – IN HEELS!  (Wobbly, and standing in place, but in heels) Nice. Most importantly, my brain is sharp and focused today. Ideas are flowing. Creativity is firing. My brain and my body are acting as one. I see my June speech before me with no problems…but will make sure not to do a lot of walking leading up to it! And an all week Zumba marathon is not going to happen…

Liis on Life Reclaim My 5K

Race medal & trophy for Liis Your Feet Have Wings Windischmann

The trophy I bought myself reflects my feelings today. There is a running shoe with wings flying over a stopwatch. Time is not important. Speed is not important. My feet, my amazing, agile-in-whatever-form feet have wings to carry them and are flying over all of that. I am above that stopwatch running my own race. Running my way up that mountain. And it feels good.

To those of you on a similar journey…

I toast you for the slow and steady climb up whatever mountain has been eluding you.

I walk beside you on your journey of reclaiming a part of you that has been away for far too long.

I celebrate whatever stage you are at in restoring your health & happiness.

I honour your abilities whatever stage they are at.

I know your body is a masterpiece of beauty and perfection.

I’ve got this. You’ve got this. We’ve got this. Done. On to more mountains and adventures! #rockyourbody

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome to a New Liis on Life!

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Thank you so much for visiting Liis on Life! I am so happy to share this space with you and am looking forward to connecting often. Yes, this website is a play on my name… but it really does reflect a new energy for me, a new direction, a new purpose in life. If we are meeting here for the first time then a big hello to you!  And if some of you know me through my over 20 years in the fashion industry, I am happy to connect with you again.

Sometimes you blissfully walk through life thinking your future is going in one direction then all of a sudden a giant hand swoops down and declares, “Change of course! You are now going this way!” You find yourself on a completely different path, one you never envisioned or chose.  You protest, you reflect, you rage, and then a moment of calm clarity comes about and you realize the universe chose your experiences for a reason, that you attracted in your experiences for a reason – or a million – a million really, really important ones.  And you realize all your experiences are meant to be shared in order to help someone else in the exact same spot you were just in.

Looking back I was physically falling apart for years – but always with a smile on my face, always while keeping busy and moving onto the next project in my life. (Sound familiar anyone?) There were warning signs that my body was crying out for help. There was a growing disconnect with my mind, body & soul – they weren’t having the same conversation. The universe kept bellowing:

Hey Liis!

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now?

HOW ABOUT RIGHT NOW?!

It wasn’t until I completely fell apart and started putting back the pieces that I realized all this, until I heard the universe LOUD and CLEAR. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune thyroid dis-ease in 2011, endometriosis in 2012 and the clincher, the rare dis-ease cerebellar gluten ataxia in 2013. My list of symptoms was enormous and the daily pain was off the charts.  Were there good times in there? Absolutely. Some great times in fact. Some travelling and some nights of dancing even. Some amazing career projects. But to say I have done a lot of soul searching, health homework and deep reflection would be an understatement. I feel as if I just completed a university degree I didn’t realize I had signed up for!

I like to call the last few years my “spiritual time-out.”  In all the pain and all the frustration, there were so many lessons, so much knowledge gained, so many moments of amazement and wonder. To the general public who have seen me on numerous TV appearances and in fashion campaigns, it may not have seemed like anything was wrong but every event – even if only one or two hours – required meticulous planning and then recuperation. From first adopting a gluten free life in 2011 to embracing a Paleo lifestyle in late 2013, I have grown to realize the healing energy of food, meditation and positive thinking and the power we have to change the course of our dis-ease, our happiness, our lives.

As I sat in my time-out chair, I did reflect on a lot, and came to new levels of understanding on so many platforms.  After labour, mothers will always say of course they would go through it all again in order to have their children. Although not a mother, I can relate to that sentiment – I have come out the other side with a new lease on life I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world.  There is no going back to “before.” I have wept so many tears of gratitude and sit in such gratefulness every day.  My friends now lovingly say, ”Aww Liis, are you crying from happiness again?”

I have created this space and welcome you here to learn, to grow, to laugh, to embrace your inner child and hug the hell out of her. To reach out to your future self and proactively take care of her right now, this very instant – and let her know how amazing she is. To love yourself today, just the way you are in all your amazing perfection. To live in joy daily. To shake up your routine. To ask questions. To not only think outside the box but live like it never existed. To cry tears of total joy. To surprise and amaze yourself. To do your health homework because it is really, really good for your mind, body and soul!

Let’s lose the obsession with what size is on the label of our jeans and daily weigh-ins and always calorie counting shall we? My shape and size has changed dramatically through all this and it is but one  small part of my story. My curvy body allowed me to travel the world with a career I loved, connecting with incredible people around the world. I honour my body throughout time, whatever shape or size. Weight and size is such a small part of who all of us really are.  This site is about body love for everybody and every BODY.

If I can help others from going through the same health issues and rude awakening I did, I sure want to try.  As this site grows, and as I continue to grow, I hope you will join me. I am so looking forward to it!

 

Let’s Change the Body Conversation

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Want to get really in tune with the gloriousness that is your body?  Have it fall apart completely. Wake up one day and your legs work. Wake up another and they don’t. Same with your brain. Especially your brain. Have abilities. Lose abilities. Have abilities. Lose abilities. Have abilities. (Wanted to end that on an upswing!) Those able-bodied days become the biggest gifts from the universe. On a good day you could throw me in the most ridiculous, embarrassing outfit with dirty hair, no make-up and I would be raring to go anywhere in the world. Meet a celebrity. Sure. Run into an ex-boyfriend? Bring it on. Run…just run? Yes please! I could  care less about having the perfect appearance or the “perfect” body.  A perfect body to me is a healthy, happy body.

I do not exaggerate when I say that I now look at my legs with complete awe and wonder. They are beautiful and serve so many functions. One foot in front of the other without stumbling or tripping or swaying? You rock legs. You rock. I place my hands regularly on my belly and send it love – it is the core of my immune system running the entire show – it needs the love! You don’t ache every day anymore? You gorgeous, gorgeous untoned belly. Hips? They are gaining power. Their size? Don’t care. Are they helping me move? Excellent. The more function I get back in my arms, the more I celebrate. They have lost lots of muscle tone and I embrace the flabbiness of them. Flabby is fine. Flabby is beautiful. They are a work in progress. They move. They lift. They carry. They are amazing.

In this body journey, I have been constantly bombarded by media messages which pick apart women’s parts, a world in which no size or shape ever seems to be right and one’s body always seems to be elusively chasing a time when it will achieve perfection. Summer body. Bikini body. Before and after body. How about healthy body?  How about 365 days of the year awesome body? I want to bellow for the world to hear: None of this negative body talk matters!  And you know what? It really, really doesn’t.

LiisOnLife_BodyBeautiful

So let’s continue to change the body conversation. Let’s love ourselves today – not tomorrow or next week or next year. If you have made health and fitness changes, if you’ve lost weight, let’s not disrespect the beautiful body that carried you to today, that is a vital and wonderful part of your life journey. If you’ve gained weight, honour and truly love your present self and future self and not look constantly to your “before” self. Same amazing body your entire life – just a different form. Different forms of totally amazeballs you. Most importantly, let’s change the body conversation for the next generation. Let’s enable little girls to grow up knowing their bodies rock, that their body parts and quirks and differences are beautiful, that diversity is amazing…let them emulate our Body Rock philosophy knowing it is the norm and not the exception. Let’s have them grow up thinking having a “summer body” or “bikini body” are the most ridiculous phrases they’ve ever heard.

Please share this graphic and help change the conversation. #rockyourbody

No, Thank You!

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There are two types of people who completely mess up the compliment process.  I like to label these folks Rebounders and Blockers. Unfortunately, it’s generally women. Let’s break these down shall we? 

Several years back I was chatting with my dear friend Meghan and she paid me a compliment.  As per conditioning and without hesitation, I cheerfully fired a compliment right back at her.  She stared at me, paused and said,” As women, we have zero concept of how to accept a compliment.  We don’t even let it absorb before we feel compelled to send one right back. We need to stop doing this!” As this nugget of wisdom sunk in, I admitted, much to my chagrin, that I was in fact acting like a Rebounder. We talked about this compliment rebounding debacle in depth and realized how very real it was. We made a pact to simply be thankful for a compliment and accept it with a simple “thank you.”  Do you have any idea how hard this was in the beginning?

It actually took me several months of reconditioning to accept a compliment without feeling obligated to send one back. It took me a long time to simply say thanks and leave it at that. This was a gift being given to me.  I did not have to instantly give a gift back.  It’s like your birthday – it’s your special day once per year that earns you presents and praise.  On someone else’s birthday, you give presents and praise.  You would never feel obligated to give your friend a gift on your birthday after receiving one right?  Why? Because we all need individual times to shine and there is a time and a place for everything.

I would love to tell you how I started the “Be a Rebounder No More Revolution” but Meghan instigated all this cleverness. Through our discussions I realized that you actually diminish the energy you are giving another when you fire back a compliment in response to one received.  It is a reflexive statement not a deep generated thought. And you diminish the beautiful energy coming your way by not fully accepting a compliment as a gift with no strings attached. 

This little experiment has taught me much over the years. I make a deeper connection when someone pays me a compliment.  I really listen to what is being said versus trying to come up with an instant comeback.  The compliment resonates deeply within me and I am thrilled that someone has gone out of her way to say something nice. I am happier receiving a compliment as a true gift.  I in turn take care to pay more people compliments but very genuine ones from my heart that aren’t “paybacks” but built upon something truly nice or remarkable that person has done that reflects who she is. This way the compliment is all about her and not an extension of the one sent to me.

Now, with a great track record of accepting compliments, I don’t feel so guilty being a reformed Rebounder especially when I look at the competition – the Blockers.  You know exactly who I’m talking about!  These women never accept a compliment and in fact start putting themselves down to fend off the positivity coming their way.  It wouldn’t be so bad if they just mumbled out of shyness – it’s far worse than that.  When a Blocker is paid a compliment saying how nice she looks, she will loudly exclaim,” What are you talking about? I look terrible. A-w-f-u-l! Like crap! Are you serious?” And if you tell her you like her blouse, she’ll say,” This old thing?  Are you kidding me?”  Not only has she rebuffed a compliment and completely put herself down, she has gone one step further – she has insulted the judgment of the person trying to give it! Hell, she has insulted the complimenter (Is that a word?…It is now)  period! My rebounding isn’t looking so bad now is it?

If we go back to the entire birthday scenario, Blockers are in essence refusing the gifts given to them.  How rude is that?  How would that attitude go down at a party?

“Here’s your gift.”

“I don’t want it. I don’t deserve it.”

“But it’s a really great gift. You will like it! I got it especially for you.”

“I cannot accept it. Take it back and don’t give me a gift again.”

“Sorry to have offended you. I thought it would make you happy.” (Note to self while shaking head: She despises gifts. Don’t buy her any more. She’s cut off)

Kind of a crappy birthday don’t you think? 

I believe accepting compliments and thus accepting positive energy is so important for the psyche, empowerment and a positive body image that I do an exercise similar to this with the girls’ groups I work with. Trust me, a six-year-old thinks it’s ridiculous to refuse a gift! Good. I want them to carry that sentiment into their later years.

Look at your own life and how you and your family and friends give and receive compliments.  Most importantly, know that little ears hear what you say and mimic what you do. Don’t let them think they are anything less than fiercely amazing! By all means, keep giving but realize what beautiful energy exists in receiving as well.  Enjoy the gift.