This Question is Messing with People: How Are You?
Hello. How are you? This simple phrase keeps getting me in trouble. When I call a service number, I want to ask the person how he or she is doing before I start yammering on about what I need. I think it’s only polite. People keep getting tense and even a little angry – edgy if you will. Why did it become the norm that simply posing a question ruffles people’s feathers with them automatically thinking you want something? That you are a pushy telemarketer? It irks me. I know I don’t sound like a cheesy salesperson. My friends have confirmed it.
There is another common reaction: complete silence. Shocked silence. Some people are so accustomed to going through an entire day without anyone asking about them that they just don’t know how to answer the question…any question. It is a shock to their system. This is usually followed by a slow stuttering,”I’m fine thank you!” They work through the shock.
A third reaction is the complete silence while sitting in the disbelief that someone cares enough to ask followed by the automatic I-probably-did-not-hear-that-correctly-so-that-question-never-happened-vibe. They then dive right into business talk. Sometimes they recover from auto-pilot mode, sometimes not.
So my question is this, how did we get to the point that asking how someone is doing creates mistrust, anger and disbelief because it is such a foreign concept? How did this happen? Personally, I plan to keep this up and freaking people out. We need to change the vibe of people thinking a question is a means to take energy from them rather than a way to give or share energy with them. Let’s shake it up shall we?
YES!!!!!!!! Can I get an ”Amen”? 🙂 I, like yourself, am a woman that desires to connect with people and I always ask someone how they are doing, whether I’ve made a business call or am ordering a pizza. I do often get the same replies that you do and have had some similar thoughts. It seems like people are often annoyed or offended by my cheerfully asking them how they are or how their day is going before getting down to the matter of the call. They will often not answer me and reply with, ”What can I do for you??” with an air of attitude. It is sad. So, I agree with you on so many fronts regarding this very simple question and how it is accepted by many or even not accepted.
Life is hard, people are rushed, we live in a time of screens and technology and moments of one person truly reaching out to a stranger does often take others aback, even myself at times, because it is so rare.
It shouldn’t be rare, though.
I will continue to reach out to others because we need moments of connecting with others. It’s what life is about.
Loved reading this today! Here is to a How-are-you-doing? movement of politeness taking over! You are right – reaching out shouldn’t be rare.